The Alfred Blog

To the place where I wanna be...

2012-01-20T10:00:00.001+08:00

Since the breakup thingy, I started to have different kind of feelings towards everything. As if that I am on a boat by myself journeying to the unknown place. I am the navigator of myself and I am facing a huge carpet of sea. Sometimes I could see few small islands and sometimes few other ships and boats without people. The journey is a bit misty, cold and the sometimes I am hit by sea waves. At night I could only see the stars and my own voice – singing the songs that I know or sometimes composing my own hymns. They journey is a lonely one although there are stars in the sky that can accompany and comfort me at nights. At daylight, the sun lights up my day.

This month alone gave me 2 sad news. My own ruined relationship with a guy I like the most, and the news of a colleague who decided to resign very soon. Both of them are the closest ones to me. These two news are good enough to move me to think about what my life is going to be towards the end of 2012. I contacted my mother and asked for her opinion about resigning from my dream job and joining the Carmelite – a Catholic religious order of man and woman in brown habits. My mom is a family-oriented person and to her, being as a family is most important. Knowing that being a Carmelite monk/nun, one must let go of everything and most probably will never meet the immediate family members, relatives and friends anymore is the toughest issue that she has to deal with right now. Also, to discuss about this with my father is a challenging task too. Her only reply was “I don’t want to let you go” was the challenge for me.

Well, I am not too sure about this. I guess this is really a call from God. A call to be holy – a common vocation to all Christians worldwide and not just to Catholics and clergies. Knowing that I am a gay and actively seeking another gay to be my partner, it’s difficult for me to choose where I want to go: permanently being in the state of active gay or to the Carmelite monastery, seeking forgiveness and solitude with God alone – coming to Him just as what I am and serve Him with what I have.

This song inspires me a lot:

Randoms

2012-01-15T16:01:00.002+08:00

I was browsing through Yuna's music videos in Youtube.com and I must admit that this girl is really talented. You go girl! The way she sings her Jazzy songs is so unique and authentic. Talented young Malaysian Muslim singer and songwriter that surpasses other Malaysian singers.

So, here you go about 'Penakut', a song which somehow tells about what I am going through right now in terms of my personal relationship, which is now a broken one. I must say that I miss him a lot.

Previously, I was having a conversation with one of my colleagues. She told me about how my boss commented about my good English (conversational and writings) which is up to her expectation. Well, she graduated from UK's prestigious university some decades ago and I believe you could agree with me if I say that people from her generation are so particular about conversing and writing Queen's English. I take her comments as a sincere compliment.

I just broke up and although it has been 3 weeks now, the pain is still crystal clear exists.

Oh yes by the way, Zee Avi is also a good Malaysian singer on par with Yuna. Go girls!

Chowz!

Madrid 2011

2011-08-07T08:44:00.002+08:00

Devotion to Jesus, the Good Friend

2010-04-30T00:33:00.002+08:00

Devotion to

Jesus, the Good Friend

Prayer

Lord Jesus my friend.

I thank you for spending your time with me.

I appreciate your sincere interest to listen and know me.

I thank God for giving me a friend like you.

Walk with me my dear friend,

In time of happiness and sadness.

Give me courage to keep our friendship alive,

and provide me strength to keep my faith in God.

Help me to improve my friendship with others,

and my relationships with my loved ones.

Help me to grow in sincerity and maturity in my friendship with you

so that in return I may have the same blessings in my friendships with

my friends.

Help me to be a good friend,

so that in return all glories will go only to you.

In your name my Jesus,

I love you as my beloved friend.

Amen.

2009-10-21T00:18:00.001+08:00

New bioinformatics company in Malaysia.
Check this out:

INASbio.info
http://www.inasbio.info

Semantic Technology in Bioinformatics

2009-09-23T10:30:00.004+08:00

What is Semantic technology? The word semantic defines 'meaningful phrase' and in order to make something out of anything to be meaningful, it has to have powerful ontology. What is ontology? It is a mother tounge of semantic where data communicates with one another with excellent usage of technology terms.

That's how we describe Semantic technology.

How about bioinformatics? It is a management information system for biological data. Derived from bio (the study of molecular biology in depth) and information (the study of mathematical, statistical, analytical, and physical through computerized algorithm for data analysis).

So what is Semantic technology in bioinformatics? It is the new wave of transforming huge biological data (raw and existing) into a huge yet connectable information web which gives the user a whole new level of understanding on thousands of biological puzzles.

Why do we need Semantic in bioinformatics? We can do a lot of novel things with it! Trust me. [1] New drug discoveries will open new way of battling diseases. Even HIV! [2] Enhancing our existing understanding on biological functionalities. For example how gene can actually cause sexual oreantation. [3] Genetic engineering of plants for the development of sustainable plants that last long, healtier, edible, useable, and so on. [4] Doable of many things like organ or tissue transplant from animal (other than pig and boar) to human.

Human build computers and powerful machines to generate biological data. The only problem that we are facing now is our computer do not understand the meaning of information kept in the harddisk. It doesn't know how to manipulate it. Yet what we can do is to re-engineer this computer to be able to read the ontology and thus, provides semantic data.

Goodbye Xavier Hall

2009-06-07T12:55:00.004+08:00

Picture 1: The proud institution

Goodbye Xavier Hall! Jumpa lagi! Indeed. It was my last words to her. I was now an ex-Xavier Hallian and I stayed there for 2 complete years. Right now I'm staying at Ken Damansara III at SS2/72 Petaling Jaya. Nearby Murni restaurant if you know where. It's totally a new environment. New housemates which I don't really know them and talk with them since, most of us here are working adults. And I have extra hours after work for classes almost every night. I'm so lucky to have my roommate who was also an ex-Xavier Hallian. Why we opted to move out from that holistic place? That remains unknown.

Xavier Hall indeed had given me lots of sweet memories. There was JennV who was like a sister to me and us all in 2007. I miss her cooking a lot. There were dental students who were now have also moved out due to graduation this coming August 2009. Not to forget, Fr Christopher, the garden at the backyard, other friends and of course my former room and roommate.

Thinking back to why I desired to moved out of that place were because of personal things which will not be mentioned here. Other contributing reasons were that I was not satisfied with the way the place being managed by the top management. I saw many tiny injustices happened during my stay which most of us especially the seniors were also did not agree with it. Yet we kept quite knowing that it will never move the big mountain even if he or she has a pair of ears.

Realising that I am no longer a resident of Xavier Hall, I will always remember the good and bad times I had during those years.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank these friends who had in anyway coloured some parts of my life. The overal picture is indeed an awesome image of my previous invaluable experiences. To: Dr Cheong Joo Ming, Ms Priscilla Ann Yap, Mr Melvin, Ms Suzie, Ms Gilda, Dr Beatrice Juanis, Mr Shaun D. Frederick, Ms Jennifer Vaz, Dr Hong Siew Leng, Mr Maxwell Tommie Lajawai, Mr Donovan Lee Shyun Hyn, and many more. All the best in life to all of you.

Best of luck,

Isaac Alfred Simbun.
09-11, Ken Damansara III, No.36,
Jalan SS2/72, 47300 Petaling Jaya,
Selangor.

I love pictures.

2009-05-18T12:10:00.000+08:00

Just pictures to remind us...

2009-05-12T12:57:00.001+08:00

...Will be missing you
greatly....

Fixing it...

2009-05-10T12:11:00.002+08:00

I sat on this chair and sipped my Java Chip frapucinno and initially wanted to write a longer article but ended up posting a short entry. I saw many people, yet I was all by myself. Oh I hate broken friendship. I hate thinking about what is now going on with me. I just hope it will soon be ended. How? I do not know. I have decided to take a different pathway, towards a different destination with a totally different horizon of life. There were ups and downs in the past and I am willing to face new ones. I foreseen that my future undertakings will really dull yet I have strength and courage to face it all. Well, it had always been in such a way in the past. I'm going to fix whatever I can in my current life's situation and those previous ones will be my teachers in life ahead.

I'm back!

2009-05-03T20:24:00.002+08:00

I am truly back to the blogging community. I've decided to continue blogging once again. I hope I will have time to put up a new article at least once a week.

TERMINATION

2009-01-19T13:39:00.000+08:00

It has been a while that I didn’t post anything through my blog who serves me almost 4 years, since 2005 ago. Looking back at those articles and post that I’ve published on two blogs (Under One Roof @ Friendster and as well The ALFRED Blog @ Blogspot.com), I am truly amazed with the developments of physiological as well as psychological nature of my self, which created the I Am today. Or, very much, those writings defined who Isaac Alfred Simbun really is.

I decided to have a personal blogs because of my interest to write and let people read what I thought through my writings. Thus, throughout these 3 years of publishing what I wrote and thought, I’ve met a lot of new friends and as well enemies. Friendship between me and my existing friends were strengthen, whilst others were gone due to my straight forwards comments, suggestions, and even opinions towards certain topics or issues. It had really been a wonderful 3 years of blogging where I found myself to be much more a good writer, imaginative, individualistic, independent especially in thoughts and opinions, what more to creating my own fantasies and dreams that so often got back to me sweet comments as well as the bad ones from readers and visitors alike.

Today, with due to my own personal secret reason which I cannot avoid and it seems that it can’t be prolonged to hold on my decision, I have decided to terminate The Alfred Blog as well as Under One Roof with immediate effect on the first day of Chinese New Year 2009.

I’m going to miss blogging so much that I won’t even dare to stop writing at somewhere else, but not blogging on the web. In such situation where some faithful readers who always followed my writings, you may contact me through my contact address if only you have one. Otherwise, should you need to continuously communicate with me, do ask around my contact address.

The end of The ALFRED Blog and Under One Roof mark the end of certain scandalous issues in certain areas of my life, which I hope will be forgotten though not completely. Otherwise, it would be good if it can shut people mouths.

Good bye blogging world.

Random thought

2009-01-19T00:17:00.000+08:00

Everyone knows already. They knew from someone I thought I can trust. Yet I was wrong. Rumours now everywhere. Do you think I am able to pretend like nothing happened though I have to pretend? Do you think it is easy to act like as if those who knew don't know anything? Who do you think you are to reveal it to others?

A Genius Asshole

2009-01-14T08:34:00.000+08:00

I came to the office this morning with the intention to be in the office before 8am. I've failed. I came in at 8.15am. Still not bad though it was late for me. Nevermind. What the heck! I was making a cup of nescafe in the pantri and a friend asked me about when will my working contract be ended. 31st of March 2009 dude. After that? Secret.

The conversation prolonged when he asked me about my future undertaking. He was amazed just like my roomate who 'excitedly' and 'surprisingly' SHOCKED to hear the news. OKAY, I'm a bit exagerating. In a nut shell - shocked.

My friend then said "You're a genius." I replied "I'm an asshole." "No no. Seriously. It's a compliment from me. I couldn't believe that I am sitting and working with a genius in this office." I replied "I take that as a compliment. Well, I'm still an asshole." I continued "I'm taking another course too, which is with the purpose of having fun of it."

"WHAT?" He shockingly asked.

I will always remember one of the wardens at my hostel who said to me "Why do you want to stress up your self? Can cope with it?" I said "YES."

The End.

To be continued with another shocking story happened last night.

1 John 3:11-21

2009-01-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

...our love is not to be just words or mere talk,
but something real and active;
only by this can we be certain
that we are children of the truth
and be able to quieten our conscience in his presence,
whatever accusations it may raise against us,
because God is greater than our conscience and he knows everything....

Happy New Year 2009!

2009-01-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

After a long break from blogging, I've finally decided to blog again, and today is the last day of Christmas, the Solemnity of the Epiphany. Its' actual date is actually January the 6th. But for some reason, the Holy See has granted for each diocese and each region of dioceses to determine the date of Epiphany whether to celebrate it between the 2nd and 8th of January, whichever any of those dates falls in the Second Sunday of Christmas. After the Epiphany, there will be a week long After Epiphany season and thereafter will proceed with Ordinary Days of the year.

Today's Gospel reading was taken from Matthew 2:1-12 and it says about the Magis from the East that have visited the infant Jesus. Then, "the sight of the star filled them with delight, and going into the house they saw the child with his mother Mary, and falling to their knees they did him homage. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts of gold and frankincense and myrrh."

I remembered when I saw a friend's photo taken when he was in Singapore during Christmas 2007. The picture showed a shopping mall with a huge advertisement board saying, "Even the wise men came and worship Him." That really surprised me as it really summarized the whole story of Matthew 2:1-12 that wise men came from far away nations just to visit Jesus, paid homage to Him and gave gifts. Somehow, they knew that this Child will be born and He will be a great person.

Looking back at 2008, I felt that I had not been wise at all times. Many times I did not think wisely and maturely. Not even a complete rationale. Thus brought to the fact that I acted imperfectly with the commandments of the Lord; sometimes inhuman, forgetful about whom really I am. In 2008 I had so much ups and downs and looking back at those graces I said to myself that those were the blessings and graces that the Lord had given to me and allowed to be happened to me in order to teach me about what life is all about. Thus when the day before new year, I contemplated on those gifts and made a good judgment that 2009 is going to be better than 2008.

This year as anybody else, I have real objectives of life; targets in life that needed to be hit. Mission to be accomplished. Vision to achieved. In a concrete word - aims. Yes. 2009 aims to be carried on. I don't go for something unrealistic. Neither something abstract. Not even something that can only be done in a long run. Those are for this year and only to be perfectly achieved between 1st of January and 31st of December 2009.

When those wise men saw the start of Bethlehem, they were so eager to find it. They knew that the start was really far from their lands but at the same time, they knew that it was very important to go and search for the start's location. In their bright inspirations with very calculative advance astrological methods, they knew that that start was the sign of a birth of a child whom we now call Emmanuel - Jesus - Prince of Peace - Christ.

I too have such a strong determination like those wise men from the orient lands. I have new year's resolutions and I must put it into a reality. I hope that no matter how hard it's going to be for 2009, I can still hit my new year's targets. I hope for the same blessing for you too.

My 2009's targets:
- Pray 'Glory Be' after wake up and 'Hail Mary' before sleeping and at 3pm.
- go to Sunset Mass every week without fail
- Read scripture reading daily without fail
- Pass my 1st and 2nd semester (M.Bioinfo)
- grade A for Marketing Management (WOU)
- take only 1 subject for next sem at WOU
- go back to Sabah for Christmas

EPIPHANY!

5th, 6th and 7th Day of Christmas

2008-12-31T13:34:00.000+08:00

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old times since?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne,
my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
And surely I’ll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine†;
But seas between us broad have roaredsince auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give us a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

5th until 7th Days of Christmas - ON LEAVE
Merry Christmas everyone. Happy New Year 2009!

4th Day of Christmas

2008-12-28T22:30:00.000+08:00

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree:
the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
~Burton Hillis

Today is the feast of the Holy Family. It is not a day of obligation but since it always falls on Sunday, the day of obligation remains for Sunday Mass that celebrates this feast. Such feast reminds us about the importance of family in our life. The family of Jesus which consists of Himself and Mary with His foster father Joseph, a small yet important family that became our Christian model of a good family. Yet, what defines good family? The answer depends on how strong the love relationship; bonding between husband and wife, parents and children, and among siblings. The feast of the Holy Family rather still relevant to us today as it continues to show us that a mother's love is a never ending sign of heavenly maternity towards a child; a father's courage is a sign of blessing for the child; and the child is the fruit of love from heaven for the parents, a visible sign of continuous favor from God who gives and provides to serve our needs. Therefore, today itself is a special day within the octave of Christmas (Christmastide) that God continues to call every family to be the living temple of truth, the ark of covenant, the heart of the Compassionate God, and as the domestic Church that where everything that is good begins from it.

As I celebrate this special occasion within the octave of Christmas, I began to think about my family back home. I thought about how to reach to them and try my best to keep in touch with them no matter what. Though busy as bee as I am with tight schedules to be followed, no matter how lazy I am to even dial the numbers and talk to at least my parents, I'm still trying to train myself to be near with them. Not just that, this afternoon I remembered the day when my dad suddenly changed his mind and willingly drove his pathetic van and sent me to college, 50 minutes drive from my home. On the same day, I remembered when my mom saw my face was quite moody, she gave another ringgits for me to spend my day at the city. These things made me to cry because my parents really tried to serve whatever I wanted on that day. I still remember too that my father once told me, "Even if you don't want to help me, at least you should pray for us everyday. That's good enough for us." Those were the days when I was a black sheep of the family. Keeping to his advice made me to always have a time to pray for my family no matter what.

So my dear readers out there, why wait for another day? If you could, find your parents and siblings and say to each one of them "I love you." If you couldn't, dial the number and begins with "Hi dad / mom, how are you?"

Merry Christmas to all of you and may you'll be able to cherish your life with your family and loved ones.

3rd Day of Christmas

2008-12-27T21:09:00.000+08:00

Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
~Benny Hill

How many of you especially those Catholics know that today is also the celebration of the Feast of the Holy Innocents? Apart from today that the Church celebrates the feast of St. John the Apostle, and tomorrow will be the feast of the Holy Family. Yet today, and tomorrow are the days common for the celebration or memorial of the Holy Innocents. It is a Feast to be remembered by all Catholics about what had happened during the childhood of Christ.

The Latins keep it on 28 December, the Greeks on 29 December, the Syrians and Chaldeans on 27 December. These dates have nothing to do with the chronological order of the event; the feast is kept within the octave of Christmas because the Holy Innocents gave their life for the newborn Saviour. Stephen the first martyr (martyr by will, love, and blood), John, the Disciple of Love (martyr by will and love), and these first flowers (Matthew 2:16-18) of the Church (martyrs by blood alone) accompany the Holy Child Jesus entering this world on Christmas day. Only the Church of Rome applies the word Innocentes to these children; in other Latin countries they are called simply Infantes and the feast had the title "Allisio infantium" (Brev. Goth.), "Natale infantum", or "Necatio infantum". The Armenians keep it on Monday after the Second Sunday after Pentecost (Armenian Menology, 11 May), because they believe the Holy Innocents were killed fifteen weeks after the birth of Christ.

Keep aside those theological and historical account of the Church and the Gospel in Matthew chapter 2. Today is the third day of Christmas and we still have another 10 days before the festive season ends with Epiphany (6th January 2009). As you can see the poem written by Benny Hill, it is obviously true that because of Christmas, the first born babies during the time of King Herod were killed with the reason that King Herod did not want step down from the throne simply because he was afraid that Jesus will soon be a new King of all Herod's kingdom. Moreover, King Herod thought of the baby Jesus will soon be put to throne because of the prophesy told by those three Kings from the East that,

"And you Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for from you shall come a ruler,
who is to shepherd My people Israel."
~ Matthew 2:6

As I walk my life today with a friend and had our lunch at nearby common place, I wondered about a lot of things in life that I want to achieve. She told me about the job offer given to her, as well as about her struggles to find a new place to rent and also coping with problems and obstacles in her studies. It made to remember my own issues in life that are still bugging me everyday. Life is indeed hard. Especially for student who are working to fund own self for a living. Yet due to some misunderstandings from several people, I have to keep going on with life I am coping with today and never want to pay attention to those critiques that are not helping me building my life at all. Rather, it sinks me if i continue to give attention to it everyday.

Last night another friend of mine asked me how can I cope with life in my next undertaking. I told her "I will try to find opportunities to breath." Which is true enough. I have to find a suitable time to relax and get rest; a time to work; another time to study and do all my assignments and as well doing some revision; a time for friends and family. But most importantly a time for God. I'm sure that in everything, I need Him the most.

Just like those children, our Holy Innocents who had been killed brutally just because of this man whom we admire so much which was born on Christmas day; they didn't know Him yet they died because of Him. The question now is, what more to me and you who are not babies and kids anymore; who have almost everything that those children never had in life. Can we be a little bit courage in our struggles in life? Yet we complaint a lot about life too. Can we not give up too easily on life? Yet some of us did not appreciate struggles that give experiences and the fruit of life itself.

So today as you and I are still in the mood of Christmas, let us renew our heart and never to forget the struggles of those babies who wanted to run away yet the fact was that they were just babies that run extremely slow. They were killed and their bloods had watered the seeds of the spirit of Christmas - the sign of our salvation. Since if it weren't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish.

Merry Christmas everyone!

2nd Day of Christmas

2008-12-26T19:36:00.000+08:00

For the spirit of Christmas fulfils the greatest hunger of mankind. ~Loring A. Schuler

Today as I continue the Christmastide celebration in my life, I found that I was actually dragging my legs to the office. Why not, throughout this week this was the only day that I went to work. What more that today is just the second day of Christmastide. So pathetic indeed. I forgot to bring my hand phone to work and thus I've missed someone's call. So today I woke up at 7am as usual but in fact I didn't get to sleep well which I don't know why. All the way to the office I prayed that God will touch my heart throughout this day and give me the strength and courage to work and fulfill my responsibility. You know how hard it will be to drag your legs to a place where you don't have a heart to be. Thus this morning before I step my legs out of the room I remembered Colossians chapter 3 verses 23 until 24. It says, "Whatever your work is, put your heart into it..." Indeed. I managed to hit my target calls for today. Thank God!

As the world still celebrate the Savior's birth, which is to be celebrated by the Catholic Church from 25th of January until the Solemnity of the Epiphany of the Lord which will be on the 6th of January 2009, today itself is also a Solemnity of the martyrdom of St. Stephen. The Church recognized him as the first Martyr of the Faith; stoned to death in front of the then St. Paul of Tarsus. Before St. Paul converted to Christianity and became the greatest missionary ever walked on earth, he was the main person responsible for the death of St. Stephen. Today itself is actually a contradictory of the spirit of Christmas' joy.

It is so well clicked with what had happened to me throughout this day. I dragged my legs to work which mean I was not happy to go to work. I did go to the office and touched-in my tag before 9am then touched-out again around almost 6pm after I've done my calls. I can just simply go back after lunch hour though, but I knew I have the responsibility and duty to fulfill. At the same time, I can still feel the spirit of Christmas and kept singing some Christmas lullabies in the morning. As St. Stephen was willing enough to forgive those who threw the stones onto him to death with great hope that his persecution was a great gift to him, the same thing for me that I knew I will be able to face this day though with great difficulty. It wasn't so much about physical ability, but it was the matter of heart that didn't open enough to receive the trust that someone had entrusted me to perform.

Today I remembered one of the songs sung by the LifeLine caroling team during the Christmas Meal on early morning of Christmas Day. It goes like this,

"Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you is where Christmas really starts
So give your heart to Jesus
You'll discover when you do that
Christmas' really Christmas for you..."

As I was singing this song repeatedly this morning, it had actually reminded me about why I had to work today instead of taking a holiday. At the same time, it also invited me to give my lazy heart to God so that I can put my heart to my works. Therefore, I believe that no matter how tough our works and how heavy our responsibilities might be, if we don't put a sincere heart of doing it, we will never be like St. Stephen, that had given up his life just because he had put his sincere heart to his responsibility as one of the Apostles of Christ.

The blood of St. Stephen, had watered the seeds of the earliest Apostles of Christ and one of them was St. Paul of Tarsus.

Merry Christmas everybody.

1st day of Christmas

2008-12-26T00:16:00.000+08:00

I have always thought of Christmas time,
when it has come round, as a good time;
a kind, forgiving, charitable time;
the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year,
when men and women seem by one consent
to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think
of people below them as if they really were
fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ~Charles Dickens

Picture 1: Muffins

I didn't go to the Morning Christmas Mass today. I woke up late. Yet I had a wonderful lunch with one of my housemates at the famous Korean restaurant at AMCORP Mall Petaling Jaya. I believe he enjoyed and satisfied with the delicious lunch set that he had. Back to hostel, I had a short sleep and then went to MidValley to buy some things according to the plan - Christmas meal with invited guests. Yet it had to be canceled due to lack of people. Some other day I guess. My friends really love the chocolate muffins. They really enjoyed eating it especially the guy next door. That was the reason why you can see the above picture of the improvised chocolate muffins with whip cream and slices of strawberries. Unfortunately, we had it only at 11.30pm with only myself and another 2 friends. Nevertheless, they liked it very much and I've sent my compliments to my colleague for the delicious rich chocolate muffins. Well, nothing much for the first day of Christmas. I spent most of the day in my room. While sadly waiting for Friday to come where I will have to go to work again...

There you go my first day of Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve 2008

2008-12-25T05:22:00.000+08:00

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of my readers a blessed Christmas 2008 and a happy new year 2009. Let me begin my story about what I have been through throughout the eve of Christmas and fortunately throughout a couple of hours of on the first day of Christmas.

Well, if you read about my previous post which was about shopping day at Sungei Wang, what was actually happened yesterday at Sungei Wang was that I did buy 2 shirts, 1 long pants, and a white belt. Sorry, I won't reveal how much I've spent just for the sake of these things. yet it was a day like no other. I shopped like hell! Seriously, there was no one to avoid me of taking out so much money from my wallet just to spend for these things. It was the first time in my life that I shopped like a woman. Anyway, I didn't regret at all but just that I have to think smartly of how to live on tight budget for January. We were at Sungei Wang from 12.30pm until around 7pm.

Back to PJ, I rushed to iron my shirt and pants and waited for the 11pm Midnight Mass together with Carol. Surprisingly, Carol, Priscilla and I wore the obvious same colors and it became the theme of this year's Christmas outfit which were white and black. The Mass was fantastic and it have made me to really value and appreciate the gift of Sacraments of the Church. After all, today I've realized that 'God with Us' means 'Emmanuel' means 'Sacraments of the Church'. After the Mass we went to Loyola Hall for Midnight Christmas meal, a small gathering of foreigners and lonely people (who do not able to celebrate the festive season with either family, or friends, or is alone). Lots of foods and there were cans of Beers too. Not to forget Christmas Carol from the LifeLine carolling team. it was a fantastic night.

Yet, there was one unexpected plan which was the most meaningful we ever did on Christmas day itself soon after the meal. Carol and I were welcomed to join the LifeLine carolling team to visit the children at the Pediatrics wads at UM Medical Center. We gave them each a Christmas present and prayed for them too. Those children who suffer extreme pains like cancer and so on. Some of them are waiting for the moment of death. While some are new born babies. It was such a fortunate experience for all of us to be 'Little Santas' for these kids.

After that which was about 4.30am on early 25th December 2008, one of the team's members invited for a Tong Sui, a traditional Chinese local sweet, at her house. Then, we went back home.
So, there you go my first half day of Christmas. Next, my own 'Open House' with some invited guests.

~Sign off at 5.44am, 25th December 2008~

2 days before Christmas

2008-12-23T22:46:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the eve before Christmas 2008. It will be the day where I and another 2 close friends will be going to Sungei Wang for some Christmas shopping. I don't have any particular thing to buy. Perhaps, it will be just a day of windowing, sight seeing and browsing some nice cloths, Christmas ornaments, as well as looking at cute guys and girls. Perhaps, just a day where I'll be walking here and there and hopefully by then will lesson the cholesterol level in my blood. That's really important since I don't need much cholesterol level in my blood.

So, if I were to buy some nice cloths, the price should be reasonable. The design should be casual. I don't say simple but casual as in perfect design here and there on the shirt. No. I won't buy t-shirt this time since the theme for this Christmas would be Smart-casual. Though Christmas this year will be celebrated by few of us here with families are away from us, still clothing has a role to play in celebrating this festive season and of course in making it cheerful, wonderful, youthful generation kind of appearance and personality. Oh please. Of course I remember those who do not have new cloths to wear during Christmas, what more those who do not able to do the Open House where it is really a famous tradition among us Malaysians. What more to those orphanages. I am still able to be grateful to God that though I am really far from my family, but still I have friends here to chill out and enjoy our own sweet little Noel.

I mean, Christmas is not about spending much money on cloths, open house, partying, and so on, but it first and foremost to be celebrated with an open heart to receive the Baby Jesus being born in the heart. It is a special time for us to celebrate and be rejoice of the birth of God's chosen one, the Emmanuel. Why we don't celebrate it everyday? Some people do not even celebrate it at all throughout the year. So again why we don't say Merry Christmas or Happy Birthday to anybody everyday? It is simply because Jesus was once human. Human do not born physically everyday. We do grow old and die then. We only can commemorate the day when God brought us to the world out of a woman's womb. From this basic nature of celebrating one's birthday, it is then the reason why God chose to give the gift of Salvation to us human, through Mary. He then became human just like us. His' name is Jesus - the Anointed One.

Well, for me, that's my personal reflection and opinion about Christmas. Each of us has different thing to say about this single joyous topic. So tomorrow, I will look around and if I want to buy, I'll buy. If not, I'll save my money. Afterall Christmas is not about spending money to rejoice, yet being grateful to have God's chosen one being born among us. Tomorrow before going to Sungei Wang, I'll be going to my office and take the chocolate muffins I've already ordered from one of my colluegues, a very delicious chocolate muffin baked with extra almonds. Extremely chocolaty. *Yummy* It will be my Christmas gift for all my housemates who will be around during Christmas.

I might do some house choruses and place the Nativity set together with candles and Christmas ornaments on the top of the pigeon hole. I might buy a set of Christmas tree and place it at the common hall. Just to give us here a little bit of a Christmas mood. Other than that, I'll be getting ready for the Midnight Mass at 11pm. Soon after the Mass, I and 2 other friends will be going to get our Christmas meal together with some parioshioners at the church's hall.

I might not going to do what I've planned and listed as above. But for sure, I will make sure that Christmas this year is so special, because of the gift of Jesus, God has given unto me and you. He is the Way to the Almighty One. The One who said "This is my Son, listen to Him." It is Jesus whom the kings from the East came and gave him frankincense, myrhh, and gold.

Merry Christmas to my family, friends and Christians everywhere.
God bless and have a wonderful and blessed festive season.
Happy new year 2009 too.

The weak I am

2008-12-19T22:09:00.000+08:00

Sahar said "So boring!" Indeed Sahar. Christmas this year is in PJ/KL and not in Tamparuli Sabah. No more caroling like last year. No more scolding from parents like usually. No more late night outing with buddies to KK. No more hugging with cousins like I used to do. No more fun time with some cute nieces and nephews like last year's New Year Eve's celebration. And of course, no more visit to La Foresta Frianciscan Hermitage in Kiulu. Oh yes, I almost forgot, no more choir practise for Parish Family Day where the parish priest said "This is the best choir performance ever this year!" NO MORE!

Back to reality. Life in PJ/KL is smoothly sailing, flowing like a quiet river. You may say it an emptiness. But let's assume it as boring! Boring perhaps due to this Christmas season which turned my mood to be a bit cold. Cold because I have to celebrate it here which in reality I don't want it to be here. Cold because it's now a raining season. Cold because of the windy monsoon from somewhere else. I don't know where. My geography sucks big time! Boring because on the 26th I will have to go to work. Boring because now I'm on holiday until 25th and yet I don't feel the Christmas spirit. Boring because all of my closest friends are away for the season. Now only me, myself, I and a few housemates. Well I can still be glad and rejoice that I still can celebrate a little Christmas dinner with them.

Classes will start soon. 3rd of January 2009. Only for 3 semesters. My working contract is going to end in 3 months time, yet I am optimistic about getting another part time or contract-base temporary job to gain extra pocket money; but where and what are not things that sure. I guess I will just have to follow the flow. The boring quiet river. It's not boring after all though I might sounded as such. It's just because, I do not have things to do. I have plans: plan to do some shopping, plan to have meals with friends during Christmas day, plan to start sending new job application, plan to start reading books about Eucharist and Holy Mass. Plan to start building prototype system for my online company. Plan to wash my cloths and do some house choruses. Well, I'm lazy to do some of those plans I've made.

Tonight I feel empty. Silent. Bored. I'm just worried about my future. My studies at UM and WOU. My job. My financial plans. My parents. My faith. My needs. I hope things will not going to be hay wire here and there since as of today I saw what I will become when classes start to take over my beloved weekends, and where assignments started to be dominant over my nights. On top of that, I will start to see how weak I am.

Yet it's not happening yet. It means now I can still get ready and prepare myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually in order to face the many challenges that I will have to bear next year. only God knows how tough it's going to be. On top of that, I'm optimistic enough that I will be able to make through the rain. Just use my umbrella of course. *smile*

It's December!

2008-12-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Melaka trip with Joo Ming

I've been to Melaka so many times already and yet, each visit was a unique trip. I guess I just love the atmosphere there compared to other places. The weather is hot which can cause sun burns. Yet what made my latest short holiday to Melaka this time was that I went only with Joo Ming, who is my housemate and it was a rainy day in Melaka which somehow contradicted with my pre-assumption before we came to the historical city. Indeed the weather changes without telling us why. Perhaps today the weather is hot and who knows tomorrow would be a rainy day. Things change either accidentally or with a cause. And for us human to understand one another is to pay attention to those changes that take place because there show the sign of time. Flexibility and leniency are needed but it doesn't mean one self must change too. Accept yet embrace too easily, not. Satay Celup and Melaka city had seriously changed some parts of myself, which whether I like it or not had shaped the way I am now.

Picture 2: Ministry of Food at Pavillion KL. Giant Christmas Tree at Time Square KL

Who can tell the sweetness of life without first have experienced the bitterness of death. Not exactly physical death but a life of emptiness. As the saying goes like this: where darkness is surrounding, the light is there too to shine. Which one is first and second is not a matter because both co-existed friendly like the Yin and Yang symbol, never to be detached. Always together yet only in Heaven and Hell do they set apart. I wondered if I dare enough to detached my self from my current comfort zone. Would I be suffer? I wondered if I never have tasted the emptiness of life. Would I have the face of smile then? I looked into my mug, the coffee and milk. If I were to drink only coffee with sugar or only a glass of milk, each one will taste ordinary. What if I mix both substances? It taste NESCAFE!

Picture 3: Advent and Christmas at XHRC

This year, I've decided not to sing "I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me." It's because it will never happened this year. I have only one wish - that my family will still be happy to celebrate it without me in their presence.

Back to Schools!

2008-11-29T20:56:00.000+08:00

I have no money. I'm currently working for money and never been I worked to make money. The book 'Rich Dad Poor Dad' have taught me so much things about money and to work to make money. Indeed, every time I read few pages, it really have inspired me to pursue my dreams. Dreams that only few friends knew about it. Friends who are my dear team members at the current company I'm working for. Lessons learned. New way of thinking have shaped. I am turning myself to be a future CEO. Leading life to make money instead of working for money. I'm now blind-folded by the idea of making money. But not to be rich, but only to know how capable I am to do so. To be so. Living like the riches in the world.

But one thing that is always good about reading the book is that the writer always recommends the reader to gain more knowledge. Go to school but not to work for money rather to make money works for us. That's not just about business. It's about how to live with money without fear. To be certain, how to manage your money wisely. Financial literate is the first rule to be rich!

I'm always love to go to school and study. My boss thinks that I am a slower. A dumb ass of which I agreed. Yet somehow it makes me to always wonder as to why I am like this - very much obsess to obtain a higher academic qualification as I can. Perhaps that's one of my biggest and wildest dreams in life.

The other days I've circulated an external email asking everyone whether they have an MBA or not. Only 2 friends revealed to me about their undertaking for MBA. One is from local university and another is doing distance learning from an Australian institution. Those two friends again had given me an admiration and spirit to pursue my dream. Then on a few days after that, I've revealed to my team-mates about my future plan. They were amazed because I have such plan at such a very young age. A lot of ideas came out from their heads especially from my boss. Free valuable consultation was given to me which I cannot afford to pay. Yet they were willing enough to share and gave some good advices for me to dream about the never ending dreams I have in mind to fulfill it. I thanked them infinitely.

Today, as I had speculated the story since 2 weeks ago, I went to Wawasan Open University at Bandar Utama, Petaling Jaya. It was an Open Day for the university where a lot of existing students, neo-grads as well as seekers went to have their preview of course of choice. I did too and the speaker's explanation had widen my thought and understanding as well my behaves towards my intention. Above all, the whole session has gotten me into the flexible, affordable and accessible mode of learning offers by this so called non-profit private higher learning institution.

At the end of the day, I've registered myself as a new student of the institution taking MBA as my choice of study. Knowing that I will have to go to classes starting this December at UM taking Master of Bioinformatics, I can feel the strong excitement of going back to the olden days where great teachers are standing in front of the students giving lectures for hours. But not to this MBA course which I will start my first semester with only one subject for each semester, where all is to be done through the internet except sitting for the exams.

Perhaps you're thinking that I am smart. Perhaps the word smart for you is stupid and dumb ass. I agreed even before you could say it to me. The reason behind as to why I dared to challenge myself to take more than 1 Master's degree at the same time is simply because of my passion to make my dreams become a reality in the future. With God's willing, I'll bear the hardships throughout these 2 to 3 years of studying for 2 Masters.

I'm crazy isn't it?

But I have to be humble to you that it doesn't mean that I am a bright person. Neither am I an intelligent person nor a geek. Because ever since I started to work with the company, I've seen so many mistakes I have done and indeed, I agree when my immediate boss who said "You are a slower."

I thanked God for creating me a slower because being such a person it gives me the passion to learn more.

JS.Care Outreachmm

2008-11-24T13:34:00.000+08:00

Proud to be part with JobStreet.com

Smile KILLS!

2008-11-07T21:24:00.000+08:00

If you see me in reality that I have not smile at you,
remember this picture.
I didn't mean not to smile to you.
If you miss this smile,
look again at this picture,
because this is exactly how I smile.

and

If you miss me,
smile at this picture and know that
I am trying my best to smile at you.

I was just too tired to smile,
even perhaps to say hi.
baby don't you worry,
I didn't mean it.

I was just too tired to smile.

News on Monday

2008-11-03T19:33:00.000+08:00

It was quite odd when my roommate is away. I guess he feels the same thing too if I'm not around more than 2 days. I'm not sure why but I guess, I'm already used to see him all the time in our room; seeing him walking in and out and slamming the door like I don't care; singing as loud as he wishes too because he feels happy for each day; his goofy laughs; a few famous names that cherish the arena of tennis sport that he loves to say it again and again and unfortunately, I got my own name too~ thanks to him; the attitude that he has which always bugs my inner peace; I'm used to it and it's a daunting when he's not around though he must be too comfy with whatever he's with now. It's quite unusual though. Well it's OK. You there have a nice stay OK?

I thought my friends were at the Church this morning because they've tried to call me several times at around 5.45am. I was still sleeping and although I had to wake up to see who had tried to give me a call, yet I just didn't care enough about it. I was sleepy at the same time my mind started to questioning my thoughts: they must have known that I was still sleeping and did they gave several calls for the sake of fun? Well you know undergrad students who are in the middle of final examination. People can be so over-active for some times.

Bad news! They didn't do it for the sake of fun. They were robbed and it was happened around 5.15 to 5.45 in the morning. Location: Amcorp Mall PJ. What did they do there at these hours? Students can be quite hyperactive some times, though I'm not sure until now as to why Amcorp at that hour?

Let me tell you. Petaling Jaya is a nice place to stay and live. I like this area. It's vast developments of infrastructures and etc., with still quite a lot of acres of forests especially the Bukit Gasing area, have made this place a city within a forest. Eventhou sadly such great thing is now deteriorating and PJ is on it's way of becoming a concrete metropolitan, neighboring to KL. Yet that's where something wrong is going on. More developments means more unsafe places. Just like my hostel at Jalan Gasing though is inside the church's compound, yet robbery, snatch thieves, and so on still happened and some of my house mates were the victims of this immoral events.

My friend told me that the other two close friends of mine lost their handbags that contained their hand phones, personal stuffs, some money, identification cards as well as bank cards. I don't know how was it happened: was it a snatch thieved or someone broke down their car or a group of gang went to surround them and perhaps, it could be with some moment of death or life where they were pointed with a gun or knives? I don't know and have yet to get the full coverage from them.

Try to imagine how terrified the situation could be. It was a moment of between life or death. Now is the final examination weeks and surely those close friends of mine were trying to get some nice air outside after hours of revisions and IQ exercising. I too did the same thing when I was still studying. Pressures, tension, and tough time to catch up with notes and books can really put a student into depression. So try to imagine how are they now. I'm very sure that they are now in a very terrifying moment of depression that only they and God know how the hell it is about.

I could only hope and pray that what ever happened to them early this day would never let their good spirit, strong courage, and high hope to get a good result for this semester's final examination, going down to death.

~To 'C', 'M' and another 'C', be strong in the One who gives courage and peace and wisdom and hope~

All Souls' Day

2008-11-02T13:03:00.000+08:00

A day after the Catholic Church celebrated the All Saints' Day, follows the day when we Catholics and some non-Catholic denominations celebrate the day to remember for our beloved faithful departed, who have gone before us from this world. Those are the souls who are some in total infinite damnation which we refer as 'hell' (a situation, a condition, a state of total detachment from God's eternal grace - rather than an invisible place of torments of invisible fire); while some undergoes the stage of purification which we refer as 'purgatory', of to which the official teaching and dogma of the Catholic Church are as these:

CCC 1030: All who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.
CCC 1031: The Church gives the name Purgatory to this final purification of the elect, which is entirely different from the punishment of the damned.⁶⁰⁴ The Church formulated her doctrine of faith on Purgatory especially at the Councils of Florence and Trent. The tradition of the Church, by reference to certain texts of Scripture, speaks of a cleansing fire:⁶⁰⁵

As for certain lesser faults, we must believe that, before the Final Judgment, there is a purifying fire. He who is truth says that whoever utters blasphemy against the Holy Spirit will be pardoned neither in this age nor in the age to come. From this sentence we understand that certain offenses can be forgiven in this age, but certain others in the age to come.⁶⁰⁶

CCC 1032 This teaching is also based on the practice of prayer for the dead, already mentioned in Sacred Scripture: "Therefore [Judas Maccabeus] made atonement for the dead, that they might be delivered from their sin."⁶⁰⁷ From the beginning the Church has honored the memory of the dead and offered prayers in suffrage for them, above all the Eucharistic sacrifice, so that, thus purified, they may attain the beatific vision of God.⁶⁰⁸ The Church also commends almsgiving, indulgences, and works of penance undertaken on behalf of the dead:

Let us help and commemorate them. If Job's sons were purified by their father's sacrifice, why would we doubt that our offerings for the dead bring them some consolation? Let us not hesitate to help those who have died and to offer our prayers for them.⁶⁰⁹

REFERENCES:
604 Cf. Council of Florence (1439): DS 1304; Council of Trent (1563): DS 1820; (1547): 1580; see also Benedict XII, Benedictus Deus (1336): DS 1000.
605 Cf. 1 Cor 3:15; 1 Pet 1:7.
606 St. Gregory the Great, Dial. 4, 39: PL 77, 396; cf. Mt 12:31.
607 2 Macc 12:46.
608 Cf. Council of Lyons II (1274): DS 856.
609 St. John Chrysostom, Hom. in 1 Cor. 41, 5: PG 61, 361; cf. Job 1:5.

All Saints Day - 1st November

2008-10-31T19:47:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow will be the Solemnity of All Saints (All Saints Day) celebrated by the Catholic Church throughout the world, especially in the Latin Rite dioceses. I've been living for almost 25 years and has been spiritually baptized in the Lord since 2000, on the day when I decided to embrace the teaching of Jesus Christ and spiritually converted to the Roman Catholic faith. I was before a soul that always been trying to search for a real God; for a real meaning of life; for a purpose of living. I believe, although I was skeptic about the faith in the powerful prayers and heavenly intercession of all the living souls in Heaven, I began to journey as a Roman Catholic with a faithful companion sent from Heaven. And after many years of journeying with the Church, I began to realized that not just one yet there are few friends who actually journeying and keep praying for me until this very moment.

Those are the saints and blesseds that had helped to shape my entire spiritual life. They are: St. Teresa of Avila (Foundress of the Carmelite Discalced Order), St. Therese of the Child Jesus (A discalced carmelite nun), St. Maria Faustina Kowalska of the Divine Mercy (A Polish nun whom Jesus had appeared to her many times), Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta (Foundress of the Missionaries of Charity), and last but not least Blessed James Alberione (Founder of the Pauline Family).

Today, I would like to write about Blessed James Alberione.

Picture 1: Official image of Blessed James Alberione during the canonization in the Vatican

James Alberione was born on April 4, 1884, in the town of San Lorenzo in Northern Italy, of a deeply Christian and hardworking family. At the age of sixteen James entered the seminary of Alba. On the night of December 31, 1900, as one century ended and another began, the young seminarian prayed intensely in the cathedral before the Blessed Sacrament. He experienced a particular light coming from the Eucharist and from that time on, he felt strongly obligated to do something for the people of the new century.

On June 29, 1907, he was ordained to the priesthood. The Lord had chosen James for a specific mission: to preach the Gospel too all people in the spirit of St. Paul, using the modern means for social communication.

Picture 2: Taking picture with nuns

In response to the inspiration of God, on August 20, 1914, Fr. Alberione began the Pauline Family with the foundation of the Society of St. Paul (for religious priest and brothers). In 1915 he founded the Daughters of St. Paul. Both congregations have the mission to evangelize with the media of social communication. He also founded the Sisters of Disciples of the Divine Master (1924), the Sisters of Jesus the Good Shepherd (1938), the Sisters of Mary, Queen of the Apostles (1959), and four aggregated institutes: the Institute of St. Gabriel the Archangel for men, Institute of Our Lady of the Annunciation for women, the Institute of Jesus the Priest for diocesan priests, and the Institute of the Holy Family for married couples and families. He also began the Association of Pauline Cooperators (of which I am still at the initiation stage as an Observer until now since 2003) in 1917. All these institutes are united by the same ideal of holiness and mission: to give Jesus as Way, Truth and Life to the world.

Below are some of the writings of Blessed James Alberione:

In order to follow, understand and love Jesus, the Divine Master, we have a sure and easy way offered us by God's Providence: The guidance of Mary, the Mother and Queen of Apostles.
The press, motion pictures, radio and television today constitute the most urgent, most rapid and most efficacious means of Catholic apostolate. It could be that the future reserves other, better means. But for the present, it seems that the heart of the apostle can desire no better instruments for giving God to souls and souls to God.

Personal reflection:

When I was first being introduce about Blessed James Alberione, he was at that time only a man of God and was in the initial stage of declaring a Blessed. I knew about him through the website of the Society of St. Paul (SSP) in the USA and eventually I became a correspondence and later on I found myself spending much time surfing their website and got to know about their spirituality. At first, I did not admire Blessed James Alberione. To be honest, there was nothing great about him that can really make me to stare in awe. I did not even trying to live up their way of life, their spirituality because at the time being I was too, engaging with the beautiful spirituality of the Discalced Carmelite Order which surprisingly had shaped me the way I am today: keeping quiet and I like quietness very much.

That was when I was still in secondary school when I got to know about the Pauline Family. My first encounter with a seminarian was when Br. Peter C. Lin, who was the Vocation Director of SSP for the province of the United States, contacted me via email a couple of times and advised me to complete my studies and seek some working experiences first before joining any religious order or secular seminary, or even getting married.

Later on in 2002, it was my first time seeing the nuns of the Daughters of St. Paul community in Kota Kinabalu who went to do their Book Mission in the parish where I grew up and the first nun I saw was Sister Mary Sualeh F.S.P who is now serving the PJ community. Later on, when I was doing my collegiate, I had the opportunity to visit their convent in Karamunsing KK at least once a week and happened to start joining their regular meeting and eventually accepted into the initiation stage as an Observer (which still until now....). During those years, I've joined their Book Missions many times in Tuaran and as well as Tenghilan and had the chance to see a lot of thirsting souls that longed for the Truth.

During the Book Mission, I saw many faithfuls were rushing towards our mobile bookshop to buy books, CDs, and holy insignias and even Bibles. There was one old woman, in her 70s I guess, who does not know how to read Malay Bible but kept asking the nun about the Bible and also some insignias of saints. Some parishioners even wanted the nuns and me to bless their insignias but we refused. Sr. Bibiana Densia F.S.P (who is now the Local Superior of KK community) had only to pray for the insignias. When I was in Tenghilan, a small district before Tuaran, soon after the Mass, a lot of parishioners were looking for the items that we brought but only few of them got the chance to buy their things. Why? It was because they did not have money to buy, and we could not afford to give them free of charge because those items were extremely hard to ship-in into Malaysia due to the Custom's regulation at the port.

Back at home, I've read an article by Sr. Agnes Wong (the former Local Superior of KK community who is currently working as a Missionary in the Philippines) wrote: During the Book Mission, we are not selling and neither do they buy. But only we are giving and they are supporting our mission by giving us the money to cater the cost of getting those items into our place. Many parishioners misunderstood us the Pauline Family. We never do commercial business, neither small business. We are giving them Christ in the form of media communications, in return they give us enough money to support us to mission them by communicating Christ, through printing mass, electronic medias, and other media communication.

Blessed James Alberione's mission in life for all of us:

Communicating Christ.

Website: Daughters of St. Paul (Province of Philippines-Malaysia-Papua New Guinea-Thailand)

Mobile blog - I'm being abused

2008-10-28T17:57:00.000+08:00

- when someone forgot to thank me, I can still tolerate. I don't even mind it. - when someone doesn't appreciate me towards what I've done, I feel discouraged, sad, betrayed. - yet, if I were being being too selfish towards someone, I'll hurt my own self, which is what I don't like the most. - so at the end, I rather have someone that always forgets to thank me and someone that doesn't appreciate me, as long as I'm sincere to do the right things towards the person. - no matter what, giving is always better than receiving.

Secrets of Life

2008-10-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

In the customers' information database, there is an attribute of Call Status where I will remark the status of customer I had called, whether it is:

'done' if I managed to call and get their info that I needed;
'callback' if the person-in-charge is not around;
'invalid' if the phone number is either no longer in service or a wrong number;
'refused to speak' if the person-in-charge wished not to disclose the information;
or, 'no answer' if there was no recipient.

Among all those remarks, I've realized that it is very hard for me to accept 'refuse to speak' call-status. Rude customers caused such remark and I hardly respect them. But over the times, I've learn to accept their will and wishes. Not to disclose their valuable info for security, safety and personal purposes.

It's irritating and annoying. But that's the nature of people and company: customer that does not like to be open and transparent. Perhaps it is due to that they are worried and afraid to let people or their competitors to know their weaknesses, might as well their wealths and successes; which I think are classified and regarded as 'not to be revealed'.

In areas of my life, I too have lots of things that are kept and classified as 'not to be revealed' for some reasons not to be disclosed publicly. There are however, things that I do not need to say anything, never to inform, yet just have to remain silent until someone somebody is asking; such information is regarded as 'sleeping nature' as I do not wish to inform, neither do I wish to keep it as a secret. Another thing is that there are many areas in my life that I would love to let people know, let them to discover it by hearing what I wish to reveal. Yet somehow, there are another reason as to why most of my friends, especially in my workplace are able to see who I am even on the first day I started working. So far, I'm truly grateful to have known such friends who do not discriminated me neither hate me for what I am.

Yet sometimes, even if there is something I wish to reveal about myself to some of my friends, I always have to be so cautious, taking precaution steps to avoid misunderstanding. It is because each individual is different from one another and that means each one of us has a different way to understand, different way to accept, different way to react, different way to reconcile, and of course different way to embrace.

Not that I am afraid to inform and to reveal, but it is just about waiting for the time to ask, the time to reveal, and the time to say yes.

As I came back to the moment during the Ignatian Spirituality last November 2007, when we had 10 minutes silence, it was revealed to me that I saw two different Isaacs; I myself being the second Isaac, saw clearly and was listening to the first Isaac; he was kneeling, and praying, and chanting the Word of God beautifully. While I, being the second Isaac, felt deeply peace to heard that but somehow I'm struggling to unified these two Isaacs and live my life on earth as Isaac.

It is not because of wanting to undisclosed and react differently from what the true I am is, but just that it doesn't bother me if people don't know.

Questions:

What are the areas in your life that you would wanting not to be disclosed to the public?
What are the areas in your life that you would like to be known publicly?

~Aging gracefully~

Sexual Harassment

2008-10-23T21:18:00.000+08:00

Sexual harassment through the phone. Yes! That was what happened to me a couple of days ago this week. Everyday has been a good working day for me. Until up to a few days ago, when someone, an existing customer of the company I'm working with now, unconsciously harassed me over the phone. To make it short but meaningful, here were the conversations between me and the customer which happened to be an old man.

Alfred: Hello good morning. My name is Alfred. I'm calling from DEFG Sdn Bhd*. May I know, is this ABC Sdn Bhd*?

Old Guy: What? What? *^*&$##*&$*^*&%*#@&% No no no *^%%*^$%^#$^&# Yes. What?

Alfred: .......... Err. Sir, may I speak to Miss Anny please?

Old Guy: Who are you huh? Wei, what? ^&%$$##U%*& Wei....

Alfred: Sir, my name is Alfred. I'm calling from DEFG Sdn Bhd*. May I speak to Miss Anny please?

Old Guy: &%&*%$&^&##$@$!!!!

Alfred: Sir! Please! I started to speak in a rude and loud voice.

Old Guy: Eating my ice cream ahhh. She eats my ice cream worr. You from where calling? I....I...she eating my ice cream worr... my Lancau...my lancau...hahaha....you, where from?

Alfred: My gosh! OK bye sir!

End. Apparently, the old guy was drunk. How did I know? He talked nonsense. My direct boss asked me why and I told everything. He and another few friends were laughing to hear about it. The next day, a friend who sits in front of my cubical asked "I heard last night you were being harassed by a customer? Hahahaha."

Yeah. I was. It almost made me to vomit.

Note:
( * ) is not the real name of the company

Last week

2008-10-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Moira and the rubber band spaghetti

Had lunch on Saturday with Calista and Moira at Jaya One PJ. We ate "rubber band" spaghetti, and talked about future undertaking.

Picture 2: Me, Shaun, Moira, Carol and Calista

Helping out as volunteers for the Senior Citizen Mass at SFX PJ. A great night with old folks and youngsters too. Fr. Simon sung his fav songs. We youngsters danced the Ponco-ponco with old folks. Oh yes, Carol said "your wheels can roll, we can go!" when another friend asked where to go afterwards. Funny Carol. She's the Walking Joker for us. Calista is the Walking Dictionary, Moira is the Walking Calculator, Shaun is the Walking Poser, and me? They 'ordained' me with the title Walking Bible.

Picture 3: Lunch at the Italianis, One Utama

Sunday morning was quite funny. I thought I've sent an SMS to the right person but I didn't. When I called her, I thought she was sick because that was not her normal voice. I was wrong again when Carol PD questioned me as to whether I've sent an SMS to a wrong person or not and immediately after that I laughed a lot. What a silly mistake. I told Carol UM about it and the air was full with laughter all the way to Microbiology Lab UM. While in the lab, a lecturer showed up in front of us out of nowhere. I was freaking worried and my friends were totally pissed off. Yet, all we can do was just laughing and smiling because, it was indeed a funny Sunday afternoon. We went to have lunch with Calista at One Utama, the went to The Curve to watch House Bunny. What a funny freaking Sunday.

Picture 4: Yani's cupcake

Monday was a sleepy head. I slept at 1am after finished having a weekly pillow talk with my roommate for 4 hours. Yet, today I was quite happy with Yani's cupcake. It had my name on it and it was so delicious. Not too sweet and not too tasteless though. Small and cute until another friend told me "I don't dare to eat my cupcake because it is too cute to be eaten." While in the office, I was too lazy to do my work. I was supposed to make 250 calls per day but today, I only did 225 calls. Monday is always a lazy day for working people. Unproductive day due to Sunday.

~The Walking Bible~

I'm tired

2008-10-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

I told somebody this day:
"Do not hurt the love that LOVES; and never love the love that HURTS."

I'm not good in talking and writing about love. Neither about friendship and what more about relationship. I am nothing great compared to Romeo and Juliet; neither will be the same with St. Valentine who was murdered because of his love. Love towards God is far away from me. But I'm always trying to love though.

I just want to speak whatever my inner part would like to say. So bear in mind that today's post will be a terrible words of wisdom. Should it be called in such a way ~ words of wisdom? Forget about it.

Hey, uncle would like to say something:

When you started your day as early as the night before you sleep with a mission to be accomplished the next day, you should be able to wake up with courage and strong determination the next morning. Even before your clock started to alarm, you know that you are already awake and ready to kick off the best day of that day!

When you pray to your God that you will put all your heart into the work that you'll do and perform throughout the day, remember that you are actually giving love to your work and therefore you will not feel bored of doing your work. Love renews everything.

If you hate your work, ask your self why must you stay and continue doing it? You'll get paid and yes, every month. But if you hate your work, do you even love your salary? Vanity. Vanity.

Singing is a gift from God. But sometimes, please do not use it to disturb and it shouldn't be a thing that can disturb the peace of others.

When you already have a career and a stable job, you'll see and meet your office-mates more than your own family members, your friends or housemates.

~Good night readers.~

Sri Paandi PJ

2008-10-12T13:55:00.000+08:00

Lunch with my roommate at Sri Paandi, Jalan Bukit, Petaling Jaya. I was a little bit skeptic about the lunch appointment since it was our first time going out two-by-two. A good start indeed when we use food as the main reason to go out and spend some time together. Though it was just the beginning, at least it is the starting point of getting into a real friendship. I don't really like to talk about friendship because I am not a person who really understands such term and it doesn't really bother me what so ever. Only to know that I need friends though, because in such occasion like this, food has the power to bring people closer to one another. Agree with me? So yes last Saturday we had the chance to go for Nasi Daun Pisang (banana leaf rice) served at Sri Paandi at Jalan Bukit Petaling Jaya. It is one of the most famous Indian restaurants that serves delicious and healthy complete banana leaf rice meal. The price per leaf? Depends on the variety of side dishes you take but I can assure you that it is a very reasonable price. And delicious some more... :p

Picture 1: Max enjoyed the food....

I do not know particularly the name of each side dish that always be on the side of the meal. But my preferences are fried chicken or curry chicken, long beans curry, cucumber salad, fried bitter goat, papadam, fried squids or prawns. The best way to enjoy banana leaf rice is by using your fingers to eat it. Trust me. It may looks gross but it taste better than using an extended items of the hand which are spoon and fork. The taste are different and it is not an authentic way of eating such cultural and traditional exotic food. Opss, I'm sorry. The way I described it might be too exaggerating. But indeed, try to you fingers OK?

Picture 2: Nice food at Sri Pandi

I enjoyed my lunch that day. Max was really a good eater. He took much rice than me and I even gave him my fried chicken which was still 90% untouched by me. He ate it until only the bones were left. The rest of the story? Watch this short video clip.

Video clip 1: Max the great eater.

I like Friday because it is the beginning of every weekends. I always look forward for Saturday and Sunday as these are the days when I will either stay at home or go for some unplanned outdoor activities. When during weekends on the other hand, I'm always looking forward for weekdays. Why? It is because I want to finish my task given my boss.

Tomorrow is Saturday the 11th of October 2008. At 1pm, I will be going to St. Francis Xavier's Home for the Aged in Cheras, a home for the old folks runs by the nuns of the Little Sisters of the Poor. I'll go there with some members of the Renewal community.

~ Sunday? I'm waiting for the unexpected! ~

Supernatural 3: Episode Christmas

2008-10-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

I watched Supernatural season 3, episode 8th entitled Christmas. It was still about supernatural things like ghost, bad spirits, and so on. But this time, it was also about how the two of them celebrated Christmas during their sad and lonely childhood. Dad was away almost every single moment of their entire life. So guess what? Christmas was just like the rest of the day. Holidays were not a day of relaxation like any other happy families had. Sam and Dean were two little boys who had a nightmare every Christmas. So for them, each season greetings was not as special as it was supposed to be because their dad was missing. Dean was trying to fool Sam and told him that dad was around for a while and gave Sam two Christmas presents. Fake. Those were from Dean, who was trying to make Christmas as special as it should for Sam. What a great brother indeed.

I'm sorry. Sometimes I can be too emotional. But I never shed any tears for such an easy feeling. I really miss Christmas. You know, currently I'm listening to the Disney's Christmas Choir and those children's voices were so cute and heart-melting. I miss Christmas last year. A great friends and relatives whom I got to know from the Catholic Charismatic Renewal of the parish went to my family's residence for a Christmas Open House. It was great and all I can say that I miss it very much. I miss Christmas damn badly now. How I wish I could actually have the bright option of going back for Christmas this coming December.

I mean, I'm sorry. Today is only the 4th day of Hari Raya Puasa but I'm already starting to countdown Christmas. A few minutes ago it was January 2008. Now it is October 2008. Time flies so fast and later on we will celebrate Deepavali. The end of the Catholic Calendar will be marked by the Feast of Christ the King, and a week after that here comes Advent! 16th of December each year marks the beginning of Christmas Season until up to Epiphany somewhere around 6, 7 or 8th of January each year. Time flies so fast dude.

I miss Christmas. You know what are the backup plans if I don't go back for the feast?

Stay still in Xavier Hall and bring some house mates to celebrate the season. Perhaps, I will prepare a simple Christmas dinner for them at the Common Hall then? Let me see: Joo Ming, Beatrice and few other dental students who will be having classes during December.
Go and celebrate the festive season with Melinda from Malacca.
And....

Gosh! I just hope with fingers crossing tightly that I would be able to have a break for Christmas with my family.

~It's not too early to wish you Emmanuel - which means God's with us! Merry Christmas to you in advance.~

Ikan Basung

2008-10-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

Have you ever heard about Ikan Basung? I'm sure you did if you are from East Malaysia or Brunei Darussalam, or perhaps you have been to those states before and have tried one of the best local delicacies. Ikan Basung, a fish which is so famous and important in the life of many eastern Malaysians including the people of Negara Brunei Darussalam; a creature of the ocean that is a must in at least a meal a day, that nothing can beat the excitement of eating such fish with extra enhancers such as sambal belacan (fermented ground shrimps), small hot red chillies, a little bit of lime juice and soy sauce. Even fried chickens from KFC can't take its place.

Picture: Ikan Basung

Last night, around midnight my roommate opened up a topic about food. We talked about chicken, and other kinds of meats. Suddenly he mentioned about local traditional delicacies of Sabah and threw a question to me "do you like to eat Ikan Basung?" I said "YES!" Oh I miss that fish. According to a reliable information I got from the internet, Ikan Basung which is also known as Basung-basungan, is scientifically known as Decapterus russelli or in English it is called Indian scad. I'm not sure what it is called in a standard Malay language since I hardly seen such fish in KL. Hurmm, I must do Ikan Basung-hunting soon.

Anyway, I like fried Ikan Basung. It's just like any other fried fish where it is best to eat it while still hot with rice, some traditional ground shrimp mixed with hot chillies, reasonable amount of lime juice, soy sauce, with a little bit of sugar and salt. Nyum nyum... Feeling hungry now? You can eat it with modern tomato or chili ketchup just like the one that can be found in every fast food outlet such as KFC. Or you can even just eat the fried Ikan Basung with lime juice. Any way you like! You're gonna love it! Suck you fingers then OK?

How to cook it? As usual, cut all the fins, scales and the inside part of the fish. Wash it with clean water but not too long as it will reduce the fresh and natural taste of the fish. Then make a few cuts on each side of the fish. Place it in plate and marinate it with turmeric powder and salt. Leave it for not more than 1 hour as those two substances can change the fresh and natural taste of Ikan Basung. Meanwhile, prepare your stove, wait until the oil is really hot and only then you may fried the fish. Deep fried until the color turns to Mr.browny-yellowish-blacky... Oh you know how it looks like. Serve it with white rice or you can just enjoy it like that! Oh, don't forget the sambals... It tastes HEAVEN!

Anyway, frying Ikan Basung is not the only way to enjoy eating it. You may even make Ikan Basung soup, stim it with lots of gingers, onions and garlics, or boil the fried Ikan Basung with turmeric powder and turmeric leaves, ground shrimp, hot chili paste, a reasonable amount of lime juice, slices if ginger, fried onions and ground garlics.... CAN YOU FEEL IT?????? DAMN! I MISS IKAN BASUNG VERY MUCH!

~ OK I should stop. I'm hungry~

Table for One

2008-10-01T20:28:00.000+08:00

I was quite hungry and craved for rice tonight. Instead of going out to Khana for food, I decided to cook for dinner. Normal food consists of white plain rice, cherry tomatoes, carrot and chicken meat. I can cook an omelet if I want. Plain cold water. That's all. If I have a little more money, there on the table I will have green salad and I love salad for sure.

Picture 1: For dinner tonight.

I don't really like to cook anything using oil. Basically, I don't really like to fry everything. If I have a choice, I would rather use a toaster or an oven to simply bake whatever I want to eat. It's still cooking OK. How about stim or boil it? Depends on my mood. I sometime want to eat something soupy, like chicken soup with lots of gingers and garlic (oh I love garlic). I won't eat raw meat! Yucks!

Picture 2: Waiting for the final touch.

I learn how to cook mostly from observing my mom's cooking in the kitchen. I hardly ask her about how to cook this and that. Little knowledge did I get from watching a cooking show on TV though I am truly fascinated with the cook's style of handling such edible stuffs. The final touch really looks tempting too. Cooking for me is like a science experiment. You won't get the best result if you do it for the first time. Something must be wrong somewhere and you must do some troubleshooting before you could actually present the best food people could ever appreciated. That's how I normally do to my meals. Like just now, I don't have any recipe for it, nor any plan to invent it. Yet what I can say is that I like my dinner tonight.

Picture 3: Funny and yummy.

Wooohooo! While I was preparing my dinner, I smiled towards the notice being pasted on the fridge. Well, here at Xavier Hall, sometimes a person can be worse than a rodent. Stealing other resident's food. Funny. I was one of the victims long ago. Really funny. Anyway, do you know Choki choki? There's no need for me to explain further about it. Take a look at the picture and if you could buy it from your nearest 7Eleven outlet or any shop, how about eat it and tell me whether you like it or not. I love it. I'm addicted to it. Ops! Is it a bad news or good news? I don't know.

~Enjoy your food and drink!~

Raya Eve

2008-09-30T21:25:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: At the monoral station

It has been more than a week now. My job gets tiring and challenging. Basically, if I want to go to Morning Mass I will wake up around 5am and go to work at 7.30am after breakfast. Mass is at 6.15am after Morning Prayer at 5.45am. Now you know why I will wake up around 5am. It's a very good deed to do to go for both Morning Prayer and Mass. Both start my day. Usually I will reached my office at 8.30am and then approximately around 9.10am I already make calls. It goes on until 12.30pm and continue again after lunch hour at 2pm until around past 6pm.

I have to follow a script in order to make a call, which now became a spontaneous kind of "speech" uttered by me during each call. It goes like this:

"Hello good morning/afternoon. My name is Alfred. I'm calling from Jobstreet.com. May I speak to the person in charge for recruitment of your company?"

and then another line goes like this after that:

"Well (costumer's name), the reason why I call you is because I want to update your company's information in the Jobstreet's database. So in order to do that, I would like to get only one information from you which is the total number of staffs currently working with your company. Is that possible for you to let me know about it?"

Yes. That's the way I do it and for your information dear readers, I have a certain target calls to achieved everyday: I need to call at least 300 customers before 6pm daily. Which I did except for today, the day before Hari Raya due to the reason that the office hour was only until 3pm, and I went back early then.

On my way back, I wanted to take LRT to Taman Jaya as it is very near to Amcorp Mall. I wanted to have a walk for a while but then I was lost when I tried to search for Dang Wangi's LRT station. Shirley must be very surprise if she found out that actually I did not find the LRT station instead I went back to the Monoral's Medan Tuanku station which is just next to my workplace. Nevermind. I didn't have anything to waste too. I felt joy and happy because only now I realized that holiday is really good. I mean, before I started to work at my current place, I hated holidays the most. Seriously. I did not want to have a holiday because at that time I did not have anything to do. So everyday was a holiday for me. What's the different then, right? 1 week break is truly a suffering moment for me during my undergraduate course. What more to have a month, or 3 months semester break then? I hated it.

Yet now, I kind of like enjoying every moment of it because I'm not doing the same work I'm supposed to do from Monday until Friday. So holidays for me is a time when I can just sleep as long as I want, or go to places for hours as I can, play sports, go jogging, watch movies, have some outdoor activities with close friends, so on and forth. Yes. It could be the best holiday ever!

Things are different now compared to previous times. I used to sleep late. Really late at around 2am and woke up around noon. But now, 5am or 7am (if I'm not planning to go for Morning Prayer and Mass) and sleep at around 10pm from Monday to Friday. What an organized kind of life. I don't even have the time to check my Facebook and Friendster's profiles at home. Chatting? Not as frequent as it was. Blogging? Now once a week.

People in the office are very nice people. Talented, gifted, spontaneous yet with a good sense of humors, friendly, open minded (which I like the most), and helpful people. My direct boss often reminded me to be careful when I want to check my private emails and even when I want to chat with another friend of the same department. What more to take my own sweet time just to read some news from the newspaper. Well I am quite understood on matters of such things. Office's socio-political situation can really drag a staff into a critical kind of situation. The worst thing that could ever happened to such poor person is being fired; expelled from the company. Nevertheless, I will try my best to be on par with the best workers in the company! Yes!

Tonight I was being curious about friendship. I didn't know that a friend is still not sure about when should he bring me to go out together for an outing. I asked too many questions and he gave a lot of excuses and until at one point he told me that it is actually not the time yet to go out with me. I mean, HUH? Excuse me? I might be different but, should there be a special time for us to go out together as friends? I know you are not 'special' as I am yet.... Until now I am not able to understand as to why he needs to wait for the right time to go out with me. I mean, why need to wait for such time? As if that time is really a right time. What if (may God bless me) I die before the 'right time' could actually happened? Or what if I am no longer can be seen and met before the 'right time' could ever happened? It is such a disappointment for me to have heard such an answer from him. Nevertheless, I said "I understood and fine with that. Do not worry. I was just asking and too curious to know." Well, I guess I have to say, from now on, upon hearing his sincere answer, that I will have to say 'no need' when he feels that it is the right time to ask me to go out with him. Reason: The right time has gone. You were late.

Picture 2: Friends only...

Tonight I went out to have my dinner with a friend I knew from Lifeline Conference. I am not sure what shall I do on the first day of Hari Raya. I might be going to my sister's house at Damansara for her Raya open house. Or perhaps will go with Priscilla to some places just to see what's happening during the first day of Shawal. I might go there alone too if she's not free. Perhaps, I might want to enjoy my moviethon since I've just finished downloading Supernatural season 3. I don't know. I might call someone and say "hey, wanna go out with me and lepaking somewhere?"

I pray that Fr. Christopher and friends who are now in Hanoi until 10th of October, will be in a safe and good condition. I hope they will really enjoy their holidays there. I wish I could have gone with them too.

Hurmm... List of countries I am planning to go next year: Iran, Hanoi, northern part of India and Bandung, Indonesia.

Yet Penang will be next month! Yeah!

Anyone wants to follow to Penang end of next month? Come lah.... :D

~Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim friends~

Let go and get's going

2008-09-27T15:43:00.000+08:00

I've sent my letter of resignation to Dr. Jenny through Janice. I gave back a file containing almost 100 journals about microRNA and bioinformatics. As well as several CDs belong to the lab. I've rest my case. I wrote in the letter that I had no commitment anymore towards the research due to several reasons. She then emailed me and wished good luck in my new undertaking. That's the end of my service to her and to UM. And today during the breakfast with Ms DJ at A&W Taman Jaya, I told her that I am truly looking forward for my study which will begin next semester. It's a full coursework and someone before that asked me why do I still need to study. I said "just for fun."

Picture 1: Had our lunch at a Korean restaurant in Sunway Pyramid

Previously, a day before my 1st day at work, I, Shaun and Calista went to City Harvest Church at Subang, just opposite Monash University Malaysia. It was the first time experience for Shaun and while Calista and myself had known this church long enough. The Pastor's sermon was really good but when he told the congregation which almost 99% of them are youths to say to the person next to each individual to say "You have come to a great Church" which he was actually referring to City Harvest Church and its associates, I then straight away turned to Calista and said "We are Catholic!" We then laughed. Shaun felt something was missing. The "UMPH!" said Calista. Indeed. We still like and love the Catholic Church.

Picture 2: I got a new job! I like and love my new job very much!

I like my new job. I am the latest staff of Jobstreet.com Sdn. Bhd which headquarter is based in Kuala Lumpur where I am working now. My job requires me to call customers and ask them a few questions in order to update their information in the database. I have more than 15000 customers to call and each day I should be able to update more than 160 customers' information.
I like my new friends because they are so open minded and quite youthful, easy going, cheerful and frank. I am happy to be part with Jobstreet.com. My first week working with the company was truly great.

Picture 3: Had dinner with Janice and Viki

Janice and Viki came to my hostel at Jalan Gasing and fetched me to Secret Recepi at Jaya One PJ. It was a sincere treat by Janice who had earlier promised to treat me a dinner. We talked about the labs and each personal's latest undertaking in life. Janice is still struggling with her research and is now in the stage of sequencing. Viki on the other hand is struggling to get the approval for her long-waited thesis' draft. While I'm on the next hand is now having a smooth sailing with Jobstreet.com. It is a sad thing to leave Dr. Jenny but I felt so happy to let go of what I had done when I was still an RA.

Now, I wish I can go to Penang and visit JennV; to Melaka someday to be with the cultures and histories. To buy a car for easy traveling. To find a new place to live to shelter my self. To pay for my study loan which has been discounted 90% by MARA. As well as to get prepared and look forward for my study this coming Semester.

And...

to come back to Sabah and hug my parents and say to them "I miss and love you very much!"

Picture 4: My roommate

Last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Maxwell Tommie Lajawai!
I pray that may God bless you.

~The End~

Now.

2008-09-23T07:09:00.000+08:00

I
have
decided.

Monday, 22nd September 2008.

Footprints that walk with me

2008-09-19T13:12:00.000+08:00

JennV said, "Success comes with pain." I believe so. I've decided to quit from being an RA and I just got my self a new proper job at Jobstreet.com Sdn. Bhd. A job that is not related my to qualification at all but is what I like to do: customer service. Unbelievable is it? I bet you are. I am still a postgraduate student taking Master of Bioinformatics but now by coursework instead of by research. I don't mind to do full coursework in bioinformatics since it is still very new in Malaysia. If you say by research is better then I have to say it is not so with bioinformatics in Malaysia. I won't explain furthermore about it since this is not the time to write about my course, although related to what this post is all about.

Picture 1: JOBSTREET!

Yes. I have a new job. Should I say I am not a jobless anymore since when I was an RA, I felt bored. Things went so slow. Was it because of me or my research partner or due to the two of us? I guess I should say it's because of money that made us seemed to be in nowhere at all. Stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. We knew we have a goal and we had done some parts to move things forward. But still, I felt I've been wasting a lot of time due to slow movement of the research activity. I don't blame anyone. Not even myself. Not even the funding. Well, I can't waste anymore time just for the sake of higher level of study. I had enough with one year of no data, no results, no clear progress, and not even an achievement. Some times, I sensed that the research will be terminated. Thanks to Dr. Jennifer who had tried so much to keep this research going on. Anyway, the funding will come soon yet still undated. It may come next month, November? December? Next year?

Picture 2: During those days with them...

That's the reason of why I searched for another job and thank God that I got it. Sadly it is not related to my study yet Br. Sebastian's advice rang my mind. He said, "Get as many experiences as possible and see what life may be." So, it's OK for me to go for this job.

Doing master by coursework is not easy. Money is also the problem. I can't get a fellowship from the university. It's only for students doing research, despite that I can search for a scholarship or study loan from outside, but the fact is, in the mean time I have to fund it myself. And that's another reason as to why I went to find another job and quit the other one. Not that I didn't get salary when I was an RA. That was not a problem. I was worried that I will waste more times just because of to wait for the grant to come in, which nobody knows when. No funding means I can't proceed to the next steps in my research. We've done only the first part. Still have another 4 parts.

Nevermind. JennV again adviced, "Kurangkan lepak ya." Indeed. I won't be able to do so starting next week. 5 days working, 8 hours in the office, weekends are only for relaxation at home. I guess it's a good thing to be since it will somehow stricted the flow of money going out from the wallet. Jimat bah...

Here comes another obstacle. I need a room for myself and the only way of doing it as for now is to ask another house mate to replace me in this room and I will move to his' room and rent the whole room for my self. Reason: So that I can have a quiet time for myself to relax and at the same time do some assignments. YET this will only happen starting next semester and in fact, this is just a dream. If not, I'll have to stay in the current room, or worse come to worst, moving out from this place. A sad moment for me perhaps.

Leona Lewis' Footprints in the sand. I wish starting next week I'll be in a good condition and situation. Yet even if I don't, I pray that there is a pair of footprints in the sand that walks with me. Well, I pray too that the same footprints will walk with me in every moment of my life, in every journey that I go.

Picture 3: Moira Lim @ The Garden

p/s: Happy lovely birthday to Moira Lim! You are one of my bestfriends. I'm truly blessed to have you as my close friends and I do love you as Christ loves us. I pray that we'll be friends for eternity. Thanks Moi for everything! All the best to you in your life and may the Good Lord bless you and our friendship!

Brokeback Mountain

2008-09-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

I'm a slow person when it comes to latest movie in town. Brokeback Mountain anyone? Yup. I watched it just now. Hell no! The movie was on the big screen since 2005 and heaven knows I just got to watched it, you mean, NOW? See. I'm slow. There are many reasons that contributes to the reason as of why I most of the time got to watch any movie later than anybody else. Except for Narnia, Dark Night, Hancock, and many more I guess. One of those is I don't really feel like going to cinema. Not really my cup of coffee, or butter and bread, or shampoo and soap, or wallet and money, coins and notes, etc., whatever you may call it. It's just not that way for me.

Brokeback Mountain? I was laughing when the "scene" was on the screen of my laptop. But at the same time as I furthered my eyes to stay still in front of screen, the whole story of that movie somehow informed me clearly that if you are gay, never get married with a beautiful nice woman. The reason is simple: you'll hurt her feeling, and please don't! Men are not meant to live hurting women. Neither another way around.

At the same time, I was wondering about what kind of life a gay person is having and will have in the future. He cannot go and fall in love with a woman, what more to get married with a real woman? That's an act of lying to oneself. Believe me, to lie to God and other humans are way better to do than to lie our own self. It's a hell on earth!

What kind of life will it be for such a man than.... He can fall in love with another guy who likes and loves him. Of course, with their own willing they can have sex. Perhaps get married if you are a citizen of the United States of America, or Canada, or Germany, etc. No direct children. How about adoption? Sure but only available in certain western countries such as USA, yet within the United States it self, only certain states gave an approval for gay couple to adopt a child. Religion? Hell no! How about Roman Catholicism? Perhaps some leniency from that Church. Recognition of human right? Limited! Out of the closet? Depends on friends, family and society's acceptance and perceptions.

It is not wrong to be born gay. It's not even a sin to have a gay feeling. Yet, such condition is eternity limited. When gay feelings are put into physical action, therefore it is a grave sin. Yet when the two same bodies get together, it seems to be no sin at all. How complicated such feeling is. When a person is caught in the middle between religion and personal feelings, the angels of the Lord can only pray "Lord, please have mercy on them."

My dear friends, who can really explain the deepest meaning of feeling of such people? Not even His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI.

To such people I say: Try to find excuses of not doing those mortal acts. Just try because He is Merciful!

p/s - Brokeback Mountain is banned in Malaysia.

Crossing Our Fingers

2008-09-15T19:30:00.000+08:00

Tonight is the eve of September 16th.
Everybody is thinking and wondering what could tomorrow's fate will be.
While PKR is trying hard to assured those so called Barisan MPs to cross over, while the Barisan sides also is waiting for tomorrow,
there you can see and feel,
know that out there,
the whole Malaysians are now crossing their fingers,
hoping that it would be 'something' on September the 16.

As for me,
I too is keeping a praying heart,
and crossing my fingers very hard.

Dear Lord,
bless our country Malaysia tomorrow so that it will not be in chaos.
Amen.

Vigil : Sept 16th

2008-09-14T19:37:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Parishioners kneeling in front of the Blessed Sacrament, praying for Malaysia

I was shocked to know about Teresa Kok and few others being arrested by the ISA and Police. I don't know why I admire Teresa Kok despite that I only have little information about her being the DAP's MP for Seputeh. To my knowledge too that she's a Catholic and a parishioner of SFX PJ. Last night after the Sunset Mass, the parish had organized a vigil, a silent adoration to the Blessed Sacrament where a lot of parishioners went to spend hours of time praying for her and the other two injustice political victims, as well for our beloved country Malaysia. I too did the same thing - prayed so much for the immediate release of those three persons, for Malaysia, and also for Malaysians especially Malays and Bumiputeras (so that the Good Lord may open their minds and hearts to see the political, social, economic, religious injustices that are now clearly prevail in Malaysia.)

To some extend I too have prayed for the coming September 16th. To be honest, neither I am a pro-BN, nor a pro Pakatan Rakyat. Yet I believe, in the midst of such many injustices now prowling in Malaysia, it was a wise deed to pray that Sept 16th will PREVAIL! At least this is to show that there were and are a lot of corruptions made by the BN government. Due to the news about those three persons being arrested by ISA and Police, it actually urged me deeply to pray for the very first time (to be honest with you) for Malaysia - that there maybe justice and equality amongst all Malaysians regardless of races and religions. For the very first time in my life, I've prayed so much for Malaysia's political and social situations that are now pro to a chaotic nation! Lord, it is better that Sept 16 prevails!

Shaun's Birthday and Melaka Trip

2008-09-08T15:10:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Shaun's friends from 4 different states in Malaysia.

Video clip 1: Singing happy birthday at Jonker Street

Picture 2: At Jonker Street

Video clip 2: Singing happy birthday at OldTown White Coffee, Dataran Pahlawan

Picture 3: After the birthday dinner at Seoul Garden, Dataran Pahlawan

Video clip 3: Singing happy birthday at Seoul Garden, Dataran Pahlawan

Picture 4: Celebrating all night long with Carlsberg

Video clip 4: Singing 'You're beautiful'

Picture 5: Melaka trip

Video clip 5: Closing ceremony of Shaun's birthday celebration

Picture 6: Melaka trip

Bon Voyage to Mexmollen

2008-09-05T08:31:00.000+08:00

Good bye! See you again next year!
Bon voyage!

Sex is GOOD!

2008-09-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

Video clip 1: Facilitator from Family Life Society, Singapore

Picture 1: Look at those happy faces...

Video clip 2: Facilitator from Family Life Society, Singapore

Picture 2: Christ's love for us all

Video clip 3: We were discussing about HOMOSEXUALITY

Picture 3: Sex - an interesting topic to know about...

Merdeka Day

2008-09-02T16:13:00.000+08:00

We went to the Lifeline conference from 30th of August until 1st of September. We had the chance to witness the Merdeka Day celebration from APC (Archdiocesan Pastoral Center) Kuala Lumpur. So, I took a video clip of fireworks using my handphone and here it is.

Video clip 1: Fireworks during Merdeka Day 2008

Happy 51 Independent Day to Malaysia!

Good News about Sex!

2008-09-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Our manual during the workshop

I would never view sex the same way I did anymore. Recently, a group of students from University of Malaya (UM), went to the Lifeline Conference held at the Archdiocesan Pastoral center (APC), Jalan Robertson Kuala Lumpur. It was held from the 30th of August until 1st of September 2008. Attended by participants from Kota Kinabalu, Kuching, Penang and from 3 different parishes in PJ and Subang areas, the conference was the first of its kind organized by the Lifeline community itself. It was the first such Lifeline conference held at the national level.

So, there were 12 participants from UM and 10 of us went for the Good News about Sex session while another 2 went for the Supernatural workshop. At first, we decided to go for the Expression through Song and Drama but we were told that the event has been canceled for some unidentified reason. Nevertheless, Good News about Sex was really an eye-opener for me and my friends indeed. Why not? It was about sex, marriage and life's calling. The workshop was facilitated by members of the Family Life Society of Singapore. They came to APC all the way from Singapore just to reveal to us what's so good news about sex in marriage and life's calling to holiness according to Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body.

I am so happy that I was able to go for the workshop since it is truly an interesting topic to know more about. As a youngster, I understand that I have the deep interest to try new things. We are living in a modern world where any kind of information regardless of the content is only a click away. Internet is the fastest growing communication media that tirelessly exports and imports these varied information to us all, and it includes the message about sexuality particularly to sex nudity - a challenge to our human morality.

During the workshop, Family Life Society's facilitators gave a lot of inputs about the Church's teachings on sexuality, marriage and life's calling to holiness. It is understood that the Church's teaching about sex is that it is a beautiful gift from God and therefore it is one of the greatest gift for human kind. In order to manifest this gift in the fuller sense of its identity, John Paul II through his' writing, the Theology of the Body, explains that the human body is profoundly relational. We reach perfection through relationships. We are called to associate with others; accept others; affirm others; give ourselves to others; forgive others, etc. We are called to develop intimate and enduring friendships on earth and these very friendships are an intimation of the true and definitive friendship offered to us by Jesus Christ.

Yet this does not mean, however, that we are necessarily called to have sex with others. Sexuality is critical. No one can deny it. In fact, sexuality should serve a true and lasting communion between men and women - between ONLY husband and wife. Indeed, sex should bring us into a true and lasting communion of God. To my understanding before I went for the conference was that sex, though is a sin outside marriage, has no way can been only seen as for marriage. And at the same time, sex within a valid marriage is never a sin at all. In a nut shell, sex for me previously, though a sin outside marriage, is just a matter of giving love, receiving love, and sharing the love between lovers, or even it can be viewed within the concept of masturbation and self-satisfying sexual activities, other than sex in marriage.

Yet my previous conscience was totally wrong. From the workshop, it is clearly understood that sex is a gift reserve ONLY to married couples and this kind of sex though is the same with sex outside marriage, gives love its full meaning in the relationship of two persons in love. Such 'holy' sex cannot be found outside marriage. Therefore, sex before marriage is a total lie to the fullest meaning of love itself. Why? It is because sex is the only method of natural pro-life, which is the key for marriage to achieve its fullness - multiplication of life, the joy of a new creations due to the sexual intercourse between husband and wife. That's the reason why sex outside marriage is simply a sin because it does not validly affirm with the sacrament of matrimonial raised by Jesus eventhou pre-marital sex does give birth to a new creation. In this case, abortion is viewed by secularism as the best answer to enjoy, allow, and or compromise with sex again and again without the need to give births at all.

When it comes to pre-marital sex and its problematic issues surrounding the world today, Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body then talked about life's calling to holy living. It requires man and woman to live a chaste kind of life before marriage. And of course, it is also promotes the call to marry the Church if you are a guy and to marry Jesus if you intended to become a nun. Something strange here. People with the vocations to be priest or nun are called to marry the Church and or Jesus. Yet such marriage does not involve sex as a key for human multiplication. Married with the Church is regarded as marriage simply because it is a holy relationship between the clergy and the Church which then produce fruitful faithfuls and believers of faith. The same way to the nun. Such marriage does not involve sex because here, the multiplication takes place by the breeze of the Holy Spirit who 'consummated' such a person with either the Church or Jesus, and thus pro to new life where the work of evangelization produces faithful believers. Thus faith, grows!

In a nut shell, the main points we've learn from such a workshop are:

Sex is reserved only for married couples.
We are called to live a chaste life.
Love is now viewed by secularism as love with lust because of our original sins.
Lust is always about needing the body and lust views a person as an object rather than a person who has a dignity to be respected.
True love is that when sex in a valid marriage is pro to life which means both husband and wife are open for new creation.
True love comes to its fullness between parents only when sex is perfectly being understood.

Picture 2: Simplified version of the Pope's writing by Anthony Percy

Respect for Human Life

2008-09-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

I was reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church and I believe that most Catholics especially those younger generations do not know their Catholic teachings. Therefore, I would like to simplify lengthy explanations of the teachings and made it known to all of us now. It is part of my duty and your duty as a Catholic to “make disciples of all nations...” Matthew 28:19

The topic for today is Respect for Human Life

The CCC 2261 says: The Old Testament always considered blood a sacred sign of life. This teaching remains necessary for all time (you may check in Lev 17:14). That’s why lah we cannot kill human being, unless with legitimate defense (CCC 2263).

Abortion is a critical issue. The CCC 2270 says this: Human life must be respected and protected absolutely from the moment of conception. And then, CCC 2271 says again: Since the first century the Church has affirmed the moral evil of every procured abortion. This teaching has not changed and remains unchangeable. Direct abortion, that is to say, abortion willed either as an end or a means, is gravely contrary to the moral law. According to numerous Church’s Documents (Didache 2, 2: SCh 248; cf. Ep.; Barnabae 19, 5: PG 2, 777; Ad.; Diognetum 5, 6: PG 2, 1173; Tertullian, Apol. 9: PL 1, 371.) say: You shall not kill the embryo by abortion and shall not cause the newborn to perish. And according to Gaudium et spes 51 § 3: Life must be protected with the utmost care from the moment of conception: abortion and infanticide are abominable crimes.

Have you ever heard about Euthanasia? Yes. CCC 2277 does say about it: Whatever its motives and means, direct euthanasia consists in putting an end to the lives of handicapped, sick or dying persons. It is morally unacceptable. Thus an act or omission which, of itself or by intention, causes death in order to eliminate suffering constitutes a murder gravely contrary to the dignity of the human person and to the respect due to the living God, his Creator. The error of judgment into which one can fall in good faith does not change the nature of this murderous act, which must always be forbidden and excluded.

How about drugs? Good question. CCC 2291 says: The use of drugs inflicts very grave damage on human health and life. Their use, except on strictly therapeutic grounds, is a grave offence.

CCC 2296 says about organ transplant: Organ transplants are in conformity with the moral law if the physical and psychological danger and risks to the donor are proportionate to the good that is sought for the recipient. Organ donation after death is a noble and meritorious act and is to be encouraged as an expression of generous solidarity. It is not morally acceptable if the donor or his proxy has not given explicit consent. Moreover, it is not morally admissible directly to bring about the disabling mutilation or death of a human being, even in order to delay the death of other persons.

Death? CCC 2300 says: The burial of dead is a corporal work of mercy (Tob 1:16-18). It continues with CCC 2301 which says: Autopsies can be morally permitted for legal inquests or scientific research. The free gift of organs after death is legitimate and can be meritorious. The Church permits cremation, provided that it does not demonstrate a denial of faith in the resurrection of the body. (Codex Iuris Canonici, canon 1176 § 3)

A celebration of friends with foods

2008-08-29T12:35:00.000+08:00

Today I cherished again what had been around at XHRC. It was all about celebrating friends with good foods.

Picture 1: This is the place of celebration...

Picture 2: 9 types of delicious foods during Chinese New Year 2008

Picture 3: Simple dinner with 7 friends and homemade baked cakes

Picture 4: A good habit of healthy food for dinner. An evening with those friends...

Picture 5: Not too expensive to enjoy outside dinner together, though...

Picture 6: Mary has a tart, and its called Bloody Mary. Midnight with JennV and Pris.

Picture 7: My first dinner with Xavierians...

Kimchi

2008-08-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

We went to a Korean restaurant at AMCORP Mall, PJ for dinner. It was our first time going to the place there. A small restaurant yet with good ambiance. Customers like to go eat there. I ordered dinner set which has a Kimchi soup boiled with slices of chicken meat. It was really delicious! Sadly that it came with a rice in a just a small bowl. It was spicy and sour, yet extremely appetizing. We did enjoyed our meals. I hope we did enjoyed each other's companion too. Until next time, we shall go jalan-jalan cari makan again.

Miss Mollie & Dear Kazen

2008-08-27T22:06:00.000+08:00

RM150,000

2008-08-26T17:16:00.000+08:00

I went to the Institute of Science Biology (ISB) UM,
and asked about the status of my MSc. application form.
It has been delayed for some time
due to some technical problem.
I then discuss the matter with one
of the 'orang besar' UM.
I am not surprised when he told me
that UM was surprised to know
that my research cost around RM150,000...
The most expensive research so far at UM.

The sad thing is,
I might not able to publish some data
in the science journal upon
completion of my research: and that's what UM's greatest concern is.

I went back, didn't go to the lab.
It was raining freaking cold.
I almost fainted once again.
Coughed all the way this day.
Sick. Cold. Coughing.

Tree

2008-08-26T00:59:00.000+08:00

Tree

Tonight.

2008-08-25T19:37:00.000+08:00

It's now raining steadily and I can see that not many cars are on the University Road. It is a relaxing evening at 7.40pm Monday the 25th of August 2008. Here I am, arranging my fingers to key in as many words as I can to complete one whole story. Some people like to read my Blog and I'm here to write some new post for them. Of course I like writing and it is the best thing to do when I am bored and at the same time my mind full with ideas that needed to be written down on an electronic 'peace of paper'.

Currently, I'm smiling and sometimes I laugh to see my roomate who is now really into his Avril Lavinge's songs collection. Oh yes. He likes her. Avril will be coming to Malaysia soon and she'll be doing her concert on the eve of the Merdeka Day celebration. He told me many times that he'll be going for the concert. I bet he'll gonna love it to the death. It's funny sometimes yet I take it as a self-entertainment for me everytime my roomate is doing something wierd and, funny. Sometimes too that I envy him because he seems to have no big problems in life apart from being busy with his studies of course. While comparing his situation with me, I guess mine is much more harder and much more complicated.

Well, I know that I shouldn't compare my life's obstacles with him. I think it is wrong and unethical to do so. Nevertheless, I ought to sometimes 'weighting' and 'scaling' and should I say 'comparing'?...my life's situation with others. It depends on how you are going to accept such nagging-about comments and whatever it is. But as for me, this is another way of how I mirrored myself and make division among what's goodness and what's badness I've made so far and from there, I will know more about who I am.

Sometimes, other people can really show our true selves. Just by observing people, we can somehow get some ideas about what we are. No matter how 'some' the ideas are, it is good enough to help us to solve the puzzle of our own life.

I'm sick

2008-08-23T13:45:00.000+08:00

When you fall sick, of course you'll feel terrible. What more when you are all by yourself in a far far away town from your home sweet hometown.

This is the second time I fall sick. The first was a flu, 1 or 2 weeks ago. And now I got a fever since Wednesday this week and it so happened when I was in Banting. What a terrible day. I was there for a research outing but it so happened that it turned out into something bad.

So, yeah, I've been a bad health condition since Wednesday and it makes me to suffer. I'm not able to laugh the way I laugh (if people could remember that), and I'm not even able to concentrate on people's jokes. The worst part was when last night, I went to Carol's apartment at UT and we cooked for dinner together. I cooked spagethy, the way I invented it to be, the way I like it. The sad thing was when I can't even got to feel and taste how good my cooking was. Tasteless just because I'm sick and my tongue is not able to detect any taste at all. That made me to eat little.

Being sick is so not fun at all. Yet sometimes, I wondered about if being sick is the sign from God and reminder from Him that I've been so busy without being able to rest at all. Well, to certain part of my life, it is true. I've been running here and there just because I wanted to finish arranging some important things before I went to Banting. I've been out almost every night to many places and I even did go to the lab at 1AM and it was a very cold night. I'm a person who sleeps more than 8 hours per day. It is not because I am too tired, but due to the reason that I don't always sleep well and most of the time I will always awake in the middle of my sleeping time a couple of times. Yes. I have insomnia. That's why I don't get to sleep so well. Do I need to see a doctor for that too?

Being sick sometimes reminds me of being human. When you fall into sickness, does anyone come to you and show how concern he or she is to you? Being away from hometown is really a challenging kind of life. I have to stand by my own but luckily, I have friends who showed their concerns when I am sick. It's not about giving food or taking me to see the doctor or coming into my room and say 'get well soon' and etc. But it is more to asking some questions like how are you feeling today? so on and so forth. You know, little gesture of concern is really a powerful thing to do and it will somehow makes the sick person feels much more better than yesterday.

There are many bad people in this world but don't forget that good people too are here to stay.

We killed the tree

2008-08-21T09:51:00.000+08:00

Sahar and I went to Banting again on Tuesday the 19th of August. We went there by CityLink bus from Pasar Seni, and reached at about 4pm. We took a cab to the Sime Darby's Oil Palm Research Center which is about 5KM from the town. We were late yet luckily managed to get the keys for the guest house where we were staying for a night. The plan was to stay there for 3 nights 4 days until Friday the 22nd of August. Yet on the second day, we found out that 10 months oil palm tree bears no inflorescence meristem at all. We didn't know about that neither did Khairun, our collaborator from Sime Darby. It was because we were advised by an Agronomist from Sime Darby Plantation Academy, Carey Island that 10 months oil palm tree should have the meristem that we desperately needed. Inflorescence meristem is one among 5 types of samples that is crucial for this research. So, thanks to a staff from Biotechnology unit who advised us to go to Carey Island and yes we then met Mr. Shaharudin Bakar, another Agronomist based at that plantation academy.

I started to have a high fever as soon as I reached the guess house on the first day we were there. I had to ask my collaborator to get a paracetamol for me. I met new friends and went to have dinner with them somewhere at the junction before the road to the research center. They were really friendly people and sadly, on the next day we decided to go back to UM and it was the end of our research trip. I might not be able to go there again throughout September or perhaps October too since, I have many things to handle, from personal problems until up to the research difficulties. Not to forget, some minor and little inconvenient encounters in my lab which for me is a very irritating kind of situation. I'm trying to avoid such thing and such people though.

Ms Khairun and Mr Shaharudin gave us a lot of precious helps. Personally I am truly thankful to have them around. It is always been an uneasy situation for me and Sahar to go to Banting since its location is too far from us yet accessible. Another reason is that we don't have a proper transportation and money is a big deal if we want to find and rent a car even for just a day. What more for days?

Not many people in the lab knows my work. But I guess people should not create complaints either. It is good to just don't care about it because we have different research project. Some people might not understand some people, but instead of complaining, why don't we take the chance to have a conversation face to face, or better still, shut up, ignore and mind your own work.

I'm not so sure until when will I be attached with this research. September? October? November perhaps? Or maybe I will still have the privilege to be part of the research team but the moment December starts to count the days, I don't think I am that fully free any longer, especially at nights.

So I guess, right now, I'm counting my days.

Dog's Shit from UPM

2008-08-15T00:36:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Moira

Video clip 1: The way we did it...

Picture 2: Carol

Farhan

2008-08-12T23:09:00.000+08:00

The alarm rang at 8am and actually I’d already woke up a few hours ago just that I was still lying on bed and waited faithfully for the 8am bell. I was still sleepy and dreamy because I started to blanket my eyes around 2am. Nevertheless, I had to wake up because of the promise I’ve made with Farhan. I was late and he thought that I’m a punctual kind of guy. The meeting was supposed to be at 9am at KLSentral, and I was late 30 minutes then. Oh yes. Let me introduce him to you. He was a JPA sponsored Foundation student at MSU which previously was known as KUTPM. It was in 2005 till 2006, and now is doing dentistry at UNIPAD Indonesia.

Picture 1: Him

When he was still at KUTPM then MSU, I did not know his name and what so ever about him but only his physical appearance; a handsome, smart looking (indeed) guy, fair skin, he was a chubby guy but is now appeared to be an attractive good looking person that melts the hearts of young and perhaps old women, men? Farhan now is much better looking than what he was before. Today, after 2 years of his absent from these eyes, I’ve got to meet and see him once again. Just that this time, we were like old buddies who missed each other like best friends. Perhaps you were wondering about how come we can meet as friends with the fact that we did not know each other when we were still at KUTPM. Actually, early this year, I found him through one of the hottest profile websites on the net. What do you expect; we are Friendster and Facebook generations. Thanks to such online technologies indeed.

Picture 2: Us

We met at KLSentral, and went to have my breakfast and later on his breakfast. We had our good times together full with nice conversations. It was like a meeting of two close friends who had been away from each other for many years. I wondered how it is going to be for us when we are old. The next place was MidValley KL and we went to watch Sex and The City. It was great, but I still prefer Dark Night though. We had our late lunch at McDonald before went back home; he went back to Shah Alam and unfortunately for me that he’ll be back to Perak tomorrow, which means today was the first and perhaps the last chance for me seeing and meeting him personally face to face. See you next year dude.

Videoclip 1: In the train, on the way back home

To Farhan I would like to say, thank you for meeting me today and I didn’t know that I had a great time with you which only by the time I said goodbye to you, it was a sad moment for me to let you walk away. Until next time, adios from PJ.

Running away from Nineveh

2008-08-12T01:21:00.000+08:00

Relationship with a special person as in girlfriend or boyfriend? Sadly, there's a strong voice in my heart saying to me that that is not where I am leadeth to. It is such a wonderful moment of joy when someone told me "I like and love you" but in fact, the same voice again keeps telling me "that is not where I want you to go."

So many times that I did not listen to such voice and so many times do I want to get rid of the voice. Well surprisingly, it mutated and is well adapted with the new me; it became stronger, yielding much a louder voice.

I know, someday, I would want to say my "Yes" and follow the voice that leads me.

What a day!

2008-08-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

I don't have any particular things to write here.
I'm still sick.
I didn't talk much with my own roomate. We don't have things to talk about.
I found similar interest with my other housemate, the guy next door. Talks about religion, faith and stuffs like that. Been enjoying it a lot. It's actually more of a theological psychology sharing, debate, Q&A session, etc.
Doubting Thomas!
Oh yes, I like this song by Newsong feats Natalie Grant entitled When God Made You.
I went to Amir's house.
The bridegroom praised me for what I wore - my lovely Jipa. "It really suits you" he commented.
Oh yes. I almost wanted to fall asleep during the sunset Mass. Was so tired after coming back from Amir's house. The wedding was great!

....I have nothing else to write. I'm sleepy.

Mercy

2008-08-09T00:59:00.000+08:00

People made laws based on rationality. Some people don't judge by law rationally. I agree with laws and regulations. If I say I don't want to follow what law says, the only thing I can think about myself is that I am not leading a rational kind of life. Yet I don't like law. It restricts my soul-searching for what I want to be, what I want to have and what I don't want to have in life. It changes the way I live. Law does not giving me freedom of being what I believe I am to be.

Today after the dinner with CSS friends, I encountered with a situation that really made me to decide rationally. At first, I wasn't able to decide at all because I did not know which one should I do: to follow the strict rules or to be lenient. After some thought and discernment and of course after taken into consideration of what my other friends said about this matter, I decided that I should be merciful. I knew that I should never do that just because it is strongly not fair for other residents. Moreover, I was trapped by my own friend that I've always trusted and at the point when he told me the reason why, I was really shocked. I felt miserably wounded by trust. Yet at the same time, I was cheated and illusionized by the rule of the house that I should follow and uphold since I have the great responsibility of taking care of the rules set down by the management.

I knew that if I don't uphold the law and simply keep quiet, it won't help me and some people at all. If I reveal it, both of them perhaps will be kicked out from this place. So I went down and asked for opinions from other friends. They didn't give any good options for me to take as the end-step. The moment I went back to him, it was mercy all over the place. I let them go but reminded them that it is wrong to do wrong.

Soon afterwards, I SMSed someone and asked about the consequences of doing such matter and the replies were, "1 time", "Kicked out." Only then I realized that what I did to them was a good move. A good move because they had their own defined and strong reasonable reason and at the same time, the time was in a correct place. Unfortunately, the person was able to read my mind. He knew that I was hiding something and someone's fault. Yet I replied, "Well since you read my mind, I can only say this - mercy with fairness. Mercy because they were really desperate to help. Don't worry, it's under control, unless some residents start to complain. Just for a night. Mercy..."

Soon after the night starts to sleep, I kept wondering and pondering about the word mercy. I don't like to put law unto others since I don't like to be in their shoes too. I don't want to be so strict being as the Beadle, yet I have too. That's one of my job's descriptions. Yet somehow, I thought that being a human who continuously make mistakes, I thought I should practice mercy. Flexibility. Fairness. But straight. I don't make such law, the management did; therefore I have no right to be not being merciful towards those who broke the rules.

And then,
I had my late shower,
went to my room,
there I was...
sitting in front of my laptop,
while thinking. Pondered about what had happened.

If I don't want to follow the rules, I will never lead a rational kind of life. Yet If I don't practice mercy, I will never have both.

Am I happy?

2008-08-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

This evening over the chat room,
there I was sitting in front of my lovely lappy,
which then a friend of mine asked me,
"How are you? Happy with life?"

It silenced me and I said:
you've just reminded me about life.

Seriously I forgot about whether
I am happy with my life or not,
since 2 months ago.

Happy with my life?
Let me see:
I'm happy with my status as being single yet not available.
I'm happy staying at XHRC.
I'm happy with my roomate.
I'm happy with CSSUM; Moira, Carol, Calista, Shaun, John Pinto, Conrad, Melvin, Lawson and the list goes on and on.
I'm happy to have Dr. Jenny as my Supervisor.
I'm happy working with Sahar, Khairun and Janice.
I'm happy that I am a Christian and a Roman Catholic.

Let me see again:
I don't always looking forward to go to the lab.
I'm not happy because now, upon writing this post I am sick, flu, and coughing.
I don't like some people at the lab. Some of them are so kepoh.
I don't like when my parents especially my mom says to me 'I don't have money' because I know it's all because of me. (I'm sorry mom and dad)

Ok. Enough of revealing my feelings.
Back to work!

Such a beautiful day!

2008-08-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

Last night, I've received an email from Germany, from the European Molecular Biology Laboratory at Heidelberg. It was from Adela Valceanu. She told me that EMBL has given me the chance to go to Heidelberg Germany this coming end August to go for their free practical course on microRNA, a week coursework that really has a strong connection to what I am doing now for my research project. I was totally overwhelm. Yet unfortunately, I had to say no due to several reasons that neither I nor my supervisor could do anything about it. So, no more Germany trip. Nevermind.

What a beautiful day! Indeed! Very much I supposed. Today I went to see my friends who had their convocation ceremony. And tomorrow I will still want to go for another friends' convocation ceremony too. The convocation ceremony's atmosphere greatly reminded me of my own graduation day where I went to the stage, and received my scroll of achievement. It was the moment where I think my parents were crying tears of joy and the same time, my day when I was one of a very few selected students whose names had been pronounce twice. It was the day when I said to myself and to others, "I've done this part successfully!" Now that I am continuing my education to another higher level, today's convocation ceremony at the famous Dewan Tunku Cancelor UM somehow has given me a tough challenge which is to graduate once again but this time with a Master's degree from UM. That's the promise I've taken. That's the vow I've made in front of my parents. Absolutely that's the way I want it to be later in the future. To make my parents become proud of me once again - a definite possible destiny that I've believed in. I've chosen this way, the way to unlock my future.

Back at home, while I was enjoying my NESLO (nescafe + milo), someone asked me of the reason why I had such a bad facial expression this whole evening. She thought that I might be sick, or in a bad mood, or feeling bored. I said no and gave her the best smile I could ever give to anybody. Then somehow the whole conversation with her made me to come back to my room and started a conversation with my roomate. I asked several questions and his answers made me totally blank. I was smiling broadly throughout the whole conversation. I was almost wanted to tears because the answers I've received were totally beautiful and for me they are not fake answers. It was the moment when I knew much about him; what he is for real, what's his nature in and out, what's his mind is all about, his feelings, his needs, so on the the list goes on until, I guess, I might tears a lot then. Here are some of the words of encouragement by him:

When I want to meet and know new person, I will straight away look at what's the inner part of that particular person. And I know that there is a beautiful thing that is being kept in each individuality. I don't go for what's bad about a person, it is such a waste of time and energy.
I'm looking forward to spend my whole day in this room.
Everyday is a new day and I'm looking forward to learn any new things throughout that new day.

Such a beautiful soul! Such a simple love. Well, it's really different when it comes to myself. I think I am not such a person like my own roomate. I don't go about seeing either good things or bad things about a person. For me, it's really a slow movement to get to know another person. It takes a lot of time for me to really know what's good and what's bad about a single identity. Sometimes, I don't look forward to embark a new day. Well, at least, I still live by day and not by days. What happened today is today, and tomorrow is another day. A new day I'm supposed but, how new it could be I am not so sure. Yes of course, the best part of each day is to learn new things, or at least, re-learning about the same thing in life. I guess, I am just an ordinary guy like other ordinary humans out there. Yet the question is when he told me that I'm a mysterious person. So, is it a bad thing or a good thing, to him it is both.

I was smiling broadly, still. Because I like what I am as a mysterious person to him and I like the fact that he has what he is and it is a beautiful kind of life.

Again, what a beautiful day indeed!

This week...

2008-08-03T21:02:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: The simple dinner

Well, I have to say that I was a little bit disappointed over the cancellation of my plan to Hanoi this coming Raya Puasa break. I had to cancel my plan to join the group to Vietnam due to my financial obstacle I am now facing. It's not that I don't have money to survive but definitely not to the extend of spending much money for my foreign trip. I guess the plan to Hanoi is too early to make and by looking at my current situation, I am still too young to handle unofficial foreign affairs. Therefore, I've made up my mind that I will go to Iran next year with my research partners. We've made a decision that our trip to Iran will be on May 2009 for 2 weeks, and the best part is that an Iranian friend of mine agreed to host us for 2 weeks. The plan was made during our research meeting at Sime Darby Plantation Academy, Carey Island.

Picture 2: SIME DARBY Berhad

Oh yes, speaking about Carey Island and the research meeting, I and Sahar were so grateful and so honored to be there. We had a great formal meeting and almost 50% of our difficulties in this research project have been resolved, or at least have been given several definite directions and goals to be achieved. We even had the rare opportunity to have a short course on plant physiology which was a new thing for both of us as Molecular Biologists. Overall, we managed to give good impression to our client and they did the same thing to us too. There's nothing much to see in Carey Island. According to our research client, almost all parts of the island belong to Sime Darby Berhad, a local private company.

Picture 3: OldTown White Coffee @ Jusco Klang

Sahar did not want to go back so early. So I drove us to Jusco Klang, a new shopping complex in that city which has the size as big as Center Point Kota Kinabalu, if you have been there. There's nothing much to see at Jusco Klang but we had a good time together - away from stress in the lab - de-stressing ourselves by shopping some stuffs, although I didn't buy anything for myself except her.

Picture 4: With some of the CSSUMers

Video clip 1: MSK 2008

Opss. I almost forgot about MSK by CSSUM. I became 'God'. The play was very inspiring and we did our best to act it. I lead the P&W team together with Jay and my roomate told me that this year's MSK was better than last year which I too agreed. The best part was, I wore a Jipa and I looked good with it.

Picture 5: DIVAs

Video clip 2: On the way to KMNS

Next, I went to Seremban with my god-brother from UPM to visit another god-brother who are working at KMNS. It was a well spent weekends and really an eye opener for me too as we've discovered that we actually have too much common things to share. Being with them was truly an easy going kind of life for me. Everybody was being open and frank. Not being judgmental at all. Not even a single bad comment thrown to each other. It was all about giving supports. And I had fun spending my times with them.

So, what else? Nothing much after that. I guess that's all.

What did I do on Sunday morning...

2008-07-27T14:39:00.000+08:00

Well, thanks to Sherene. I went to Harvest Church KL and my first impression when I entered the church was - WOW! I thought that I was about to see Hillsongs Church, Australia! Yet, it was Harvest Church KL! A lot of young people. The atmosphere was really good - inside of the church is painted with blue, air-conditioned hall complete with music instruments, and not to forget a show-camera (the one that can be easily found in performance stage) controlled by a technician. I even got a free music CD as a gift for me being the new comer to this small yet strong and vibrant community. I didn't expect that anyway. I like the praise and worship session. I like the moment when we were all praying in tongues and other known languages. We were all in Spirit and I was very happy that I could pray in tongues as much as I can without worrying whether other people could understand and interpret it or not. Everybody was filled with the Holy Spirit and it made me to realized that non-catholic church isn't bad after all. They might teaches Sola Scriptura which is strongly opposed by the Catholic Church.

Yet, there is something better than what I found in the Catholic Church - non-catholic church is truly a Bible based community of believers. They really put the Word of God, the center of Sunday worship. Reading the verses from the Bible, and the Pastor explains it one by one and everyone has his or her own Bible. The bring their own Bibles to the weekly Sunday Service. Where as for us Catholic, the Eucharist is the center of our worship. We hear the 3 readings cycle BUT not a single Catholic go along with the priest's sermon with the readings. Compared to such church as City Harvest Church, everytime the pastor said something about the scripture, they will open their Bible and read the passage again and again. They even made Sunday Service as part of the Bible class. How amazing!

Recently...

2008-07-26T12:39:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Malaysian attitude

Picture 2: Wendy's @ Jaya 1, Jalan Universiti

Picture 3: KLCC Coffee Morning at SFX PJ

Picture 4: Old Town White Coffee at One Utama

Picture 5: Sepia mood @ OldTown White Coffee, 1 Utama

Picture 6: Reflection of the mirror

Picture 7: The Pleasure of SUCKING!

Good night.

2008-07-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

So funny. I don't know what's the thing that made me feel so funny tonight. I kept smiling to my roommate and he felt weird about it. It's hard to put it into words and phrases of the reason to why I smiled broadly towards him. Perhaps, it was just because of...

Nevermind. It's not important.
It's 12.55am.
I should stop being judgmental towards someone.
It was so funny though.

HSL, you owed me a hug!

Pillow Talk

2008-07-21T16:26:00.000+08:00

Last night, I had a pillow talk session with one of my housemate, in his room. I didn't know that pillow talk is a good thing to do. My other housemate asked me where I wanted to go and there was this simple phrase that came out from my mouth so suddenly, saying "pillow talk." He was very surprised and replied, "pillow talk?" I was just smiling and walked away to the other room. Why not pillow talk? Is it a taboo for guys? I mean, hey I did it and I felt good. Define pillow talk - it is a long hour conversation between more than 1 friends and the topic is about everything or it could be just a single matter. Girl's version of pillow talk consists of girlish stuffs and other things. What about guys' version then? Nothing much; nothing great; nothing exclusive; frankly speaking, it's just a closed meeting and discreet conversation. Well you know, guys don't talk heart to heart with other guys as much as girls. We don't go about with the feelings. We will only talk and be open to other guys if we feel that he can be trusted and open enough for the session. A guy's thing as you can see, is more into privacy ans secrecy. Yet things changed. I don't really accept the concept of guys being 'hidden guys'. I am open to any nature but still mantain personal secrecy of any individu.

I don't like conflict. Conflict hurts me deeply. In order to avoid conflict, I should try to be patient; instead of wanting to be understood, I should go about understanding the other person. Yes, it is very risky to do so because I will hurt myself and I will cheat my self in the first place if my founding really does not suit mine. Well, that is the consequence of understanding - you might b able to accept it yet it doesn't mean that I have to change my mind - what I like and what I dislike. Understanding is a process of learning without loosing own personality. So conflict really hurts me. It is a foolish thing to do to ignite the little flame. Why not extinguish it with some water to cool down the heat.

Do we really need commonness with other persons in order to enjoy great life? Do we need commonness to enjoy good friendship?

Conflict

2008-07-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

What will you do if you have a problem? Do you mind to share it with other people? Do you feel it is right to do so? Or, do you think that you don't need to share and to disclose it to the rest just because you don't like to do it and you believe that somehow you will someday managed to solve it?

I have a friend who doesn't like to talk about his' problems. It's simply because problems make him sad. He doesn't like to talk about sad things because eventually it will get him into feeling so moody. I told him that he needs to share it with other. It doesn't matter if the listener is able to help him solve the problem or not because at least, there are ears that listen. Listening is actually a simplest way of helping problematic person. Not all of us realized it.

Today I was very pissed off by someone who turned me down. I felt humiliated. I felt that I'm a crime. I felt that I'm a disgusting person to him. He thought that he knows everything about me just by observing my reactions. Well, I don't doubt that some people really have such gift. But to the extend that he is still very new in my life, I will never give a damn to even a single word he uttered about me telling me that that is what I am. I felt that time that my dignity as a person has been ripped off. Can you imagine that a person whom I've just met did that to me? Anyway, such conflict has been resolved peacefully. We said sorry to one another, and move on with our friendship.

Do I judge people that easily? If I were to be like him, will I passed quick judgment on other people too? Based only by my observation? I don't know. Perhaps, what he just did to me was what I did to anybody previously consciously and unconsciously.

Waiting....

2008-07-17T17:02:00.000+08:00

An urgent and important meeting was held today at my lab. The main agenda was to discuss about handling DEPC-treated water at another lab. All students who are doing research in RNA were present in the meeting and when the moderator asked for volunteer to clean up the tank that contains a dangerous and carcinogenic water, I raised my hand and said 'Let me start it first.' I don't know why did I do that but it might be due to the reason that I really need to use DEPC-treated water since I'm one of few people who use it regularly. OK. I'm fine with that since it's part of my responsibility as a junior researcher. Dealing a research on RNA is not easy because of the huge chances of being 'contaminated' with lots of carcinogenic (a chemical that causes cancer) chemicals. And as well, it is very hard to handle RNA experiments since RNA degrades very quickly even just under simple reasons, for example, conversing when the experiment is in progress.

The thing that made me a lil' bit sad is because I have to wait for 2 times autoclaving and each autoclaving takes 120 minutes to complete completely. I'm not really sad lah but, I'm quite worried that I won't be able to go for tonight's event at Sherene's church. They will be having a night of praise and worship, fellowship and etc for campus students from all colleges and universities. It's a night for Christian young people to enjoy. The best parts I think would be the P&W session and making friends from other campuses. I really hope that my lab works will be finished before 6pm. If not, I have to ask them not to wait for me any longer. But God's will....I wish.

So, here I am inside BGM2. All by my self. Luckily I brought my laptop and it is indeed a very good companion for students like me. Well at least, I can surf the net and listening to my MP3s. Here you go; Finally by Fergie at the moment. Next song, try to guess...

Yes. Now there is high hope that I will not leaving my research and this lab because of the good news that my supervisor told me few days ago. So my only hope now is that I will be able to go through these years until I graduate with another level of education. Life is not easy. But, isn't it good if life is not easy after all?

~I'll try to put some pictures from the event tonight, if I'm able to go for it.

Added:

I wanted to go to Sherene's church but I'm not able to do so. I still have another 1 time autoclaving process to wait. I didn't know that people in the lab are so funny during night time compared to during daylight where everybody is so serious and makes me to be so serious too. Am I a serious person? Ha ha. I don't know. Perhaps. Hmmm...still need to wait for autoclaving.

Count Thy Blessings

2008-07-15T18:16:00.000+08:00

Let me count my blessings since for the past few days ago. On Saturday last week, I went to have my lunch with Miss DJ at McDonald AMCORP Mall, Taman Jaya. It was a blessing because I enjoyed going out with her even thou practically I have nothing in common with her, but is commonness really that important? People can still live together despite differences though. It was a blessing to me because after the lunchtime, we went to a shop that I've never been before despite my regularity of coming to AMCORP. It sells unique items such as... well, unique items. Haha. The name of the shop is Kedai Kaki Lelong. And then, after we round the whole shop lots, we went back and decided to go to Muzium Petaling Jaya at Taman Jaya Park. It's location is very near to our place.

Picture 1: Kedai Kaki Lelong @ AMCORP Mall

And then, in the evening, I went to Sunset Mass. There was an advertisement about Lifeline Conference which will be held on 30th of August until 1st of September in KL. The moment that I saw the advertisement, I quickly told myself that I want to go for it. The reason? I don't know but for sure I can feel that it's going to be a great thing to experienced and I'm sure that I'll enjoy it. After the Mass we went to have our dinner at Ming Tien. It had been awhile that I didn't go to that place. I think almost for 2 months. It was a blessing for me that night because of the advertisement because it gave me a very good chance to start being active again in the Church. It was a blessing for me on that night because I had the opportunity to go out with my friends who just came back from their long holidays. Moera, Carol, Calista, Gilda, Melvin, Shaun and Priscilla. I miss them by the way.

Picture 2: Muzium Petaling Jaya

Then the next morning, we went to have dim sum as our breakfast. Hmmm. It was my first time of having dim sum actually and it wasn't bad after all. Everyone was very sportive and open. Funny and relax. Everyone took his or her own sweet time enjoying the great dim sum with great funny companions. Walla! That was how I spent my Sunday morning. It was a blessing for me because one, I had my dim sum for the first time ever; secondly, I've spent a great quality of time with great friends, I mean, isn't it good?

Picture 3: Dim sum

Next on the same day, Moira, Carol and I went to Time Square. Caught a movie - Hancock which almost made me to drop a tear. A very good movie indeed. We went to do our window shopping and I found out that Calvin Klien has this white pants that grabbed my attention. The price is quite reasonable and I like the pattern and as well, it's white. I like white and it's the color of the year. No more pink and green. I'll buy it soon. Well, then we went to Pavilion KL. Had our dinner and the best part was when we were sitting and do nothing but watching and observing people. Many types of people. Gay couples, lesbian too, heterosexual, and some youngsters wore Prada and other extremely expensive bags and cloths. We went back at 11pm.

Picture 4: Pavilion

Well, it was a blessing for me because I got to watch movie after such a long time (I guess for a month - well, most people could only afford to go for a movie once in a blue moon. So, it was a blessing for me though). It was a blessing again because I was accompanied with friends who are funny and easy going. Good friends who enjoy the same thing that I like to do - gone out for an outing. And today, again God gave me His' blessing. My supervisor told me that most likely I will still be able to continue my research because Sime Darby had approved the research grant that verily needed to fund this project until it's finished. Well, I thought of quitting and now not anymore.

Picture 5: 'C' and 'M'. Hahaha

It was a blessing. A blessing that I could still continue working as RA, get paid and apply for postgraduate study. In fact, my research IS my Thesis for postgraduate study. So, when I counted my blessings, I've realized that I have been blessed with so many things without realizing it in the first place. After it took place, only then I could really remembered that I had my day with so many blessings but I didn't know that those were blessings until I started to flashback the things that I've done and had happened to me. Men are always looking forward for tomorrow. We sometimes look for the past. And everyday, we forgot about today. If only we take a time and remembering back those things that have taken place in our lives, we will still forget about today. A housemate told me that he lives by expectation from and for the future. I told him that I live by day. So, there you go. The blessings that I got since for the past few days ago.

Malayinglish

2008-07-10T12:48:00.000+08:00

Simply Malayinglish - Have you kena hack before?

Proper English - Have you been hacked before?

Kahwin? I'm not ready yet.

2008-07-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

I was cooking for dinner at about 10.00pm. "Ring, ring!" Someone called me. My dad. With a serious voice, he asked me:

"When are you going to marry her?" I was totally blur.

"Who? Which girl dad?"

"The one that always followed you to Church and to everywhere when you were still in Sabah that time."

Oh my goodness. Straight away this name came into my mind - Ms. Anonymous. She's my aunt for God's sake. Yet a year younger than me. I met her for the first time during the Life in the Spirit Seminar in Mangkaladom, Kiulu Sabah in September 2007. She's a funny person. Adjective? Friendly. Yes right, that I'm close to her. I went out with her, but not with her alone, almost every night. We went to the Church for Friday's Charismatic Prayer Meeting, and a day before each Friday to the Benediction at 7.30pm, and then on every Sunday after Kadazan Mass, we went to hang out together with other friends too. Isaac and Santa are close friends. Even until now, the bond are still strong.

The other days, she told me:

"Your mom always go to meet me at my shop and we talked a lot. She even invited me to go to your house and eat some mangoes. And she already invited me in advance to the Christmas' Party this year. Can't you believe that?"

Ops. Wow. I can't believe that too.

So tonight, my dad suddenly opened up the same story again. About marriage. Something that never crossed my mind before so serious like what had happened tonight during the conversation.

"Mom and dad planned to take her as your fiancee. Do you agree?"

"What? Are you kidding me dad?"

"No. We give you 2 weeks to decide. If there's nothing from your side within these 2 weeks, we will do so. Don't you like her? You always went out with her, right?"

I said,

"No dad. I mean, I like her, but not to the extend of wanting her to be my girlfriend and what more to be my future wife? Dad. I don't want. Don't do it please."

I begged him for mercy. LOL.

Oh my goodness. I'm still young. I'm still depending on my parents' financial assistant. I'm still studying and this would be until I got my doctorate in the field I'm interested with. I want to find suitable job that can really promise me a good and comfortable future. I'm not yet prepared to think about marriage and what more to taking a girl as a fiancee. I want to enjoy being single first. There are so much things that I want to achieve in life while still single. Of course I'm an available guy and I can say that I have the look too. Not just the look, but the attitude and some interesting background too. An average good looking guy I'm supposed.

Yet, I'm not ready to get married. To be honest, I don't believe that I am called to the married life. Sometimes, I'm wondering and discerning about joining the consecrated life as a layman, or a religious brother, or a seminarian, or a priest, or as a permanent deacon for example. But not marriage for sure.

I like kids. I enjoy seeing parents loving each other, and truly care their children with love. We can find such family a lot in the church. But still, not marriage. Not now, I guess (in a humble way).

I know that my parents are getting older and older. Most of my cousins have already married and have children. I know and understand that my parents really want to have their own grandchildren. They want to see us to have our own families. I hope that they will have their own grandchildren before the Good Lord call them to Himself. I mean, grandchildren is a gift of God to every grandparents. That what makes them happy throughout their remaining years on earth.

Yet, my beloved dad and mom, I'm truly sorry that I'm still young. I have dreams to achieve. When the time comes, don't worry, I'll get you lots of grandchildren. At the end of the conversation, I felt very sad. Sad because I can't give them a daughter-in-law and grandchildren so soon.

I had my dinner at 11.00pm.

Keynotes:

None of my siblings are married.
My parents decided to get wives for my elder brothers.

The Fresh Toilet

2008-07-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

Some people are very good in giving their best comments: good comment, bad comment, sharp words and soft tune alike. While some people are so gifted to be a good listener: listening with care, listening with unaware of what's being talked about, listening with gratitude, listening without purpose; the list goes on and on, well you name it.

A new friend of mine helped me to clean the boys' toilet this evening. Despite that he was very tired, yet he felt guilty of not performing the duty given by Isaac the new Beadle of the House. At the end of the cleaning session, the toilet became so clean and fresh as if it was new. Somehow, this fellow started to make a conversation, telling me how guilty he was despite being so tired after a hectic working day in his lab. Indeed, he's a man of maturity and a responsible new kid's on the block; the guy next door; macho man; Mr. hero. So on and so forth. Indeed yes. We had a brilliant and honest discussion about what should have to be done with the cleannesses of our place called Xavier Hall.

So, we talked about what kind of changes to be made for the cleaning duty timetable released since last week by me, how to become more organized, how to make sure team-work is the driven forces of such works, human attitudes as grown ups, so on and forth. In a simple word, discussion. I was well amazed with his' brilliant ideas and suggestions, not to forget those recommendations and comments too. I knew he's older than me and I knew that he's a wise person. So I kept myself humble instead of grumbling and trying to uphold that cleaning duty timetable. So, when I was in the mood of being amazed by this guy, at the end of the non-education discussion, he thanked me for listening to him all the while: thank you for listening. Seriously, I felt very appreciated just by listening - a simple task to do.

We always think that what we think is always true for, at least, ourselves - our own very self. Yes of course that we listen everyday to words went out from other mouths and channels. Sometimes or most of the time, we also listen to the voice or voices within us; be it in our hearts or minds.

Yet, not many people like to listen - especially words that are important such as, one topic of Biology; or perhaps about macroeconomic; or maybe about history; well, how about culture? It could be about religion and theology in depth too. Most probably, those nagging words from our parents, and those people who are telling us the truth that we did not see. We human tend to have the tendency to protect our rights. Right to speak, right to do, and right not to follow. Taking an account of today's Malaysia's political situation, the rakyat is no longer listening to each party be it right or wrong. The rakyat now wants both political parties to get down to a more serious agenda of the country - the right to develop.

When it comes to a small discussion and then goes to big forum and it goes to entire social event, one thing in common of being human is that we all want other people to hear us. We don't care whether they might have a better ideas to address or solutions to suggest, or even comments to be made. We need to be heard. And of course those who listened, were in agony of not being heard. Simple example like poor school-dropped-out kids who have to work for daily living in India, Africa, and other continents of the world especially in the Third World Countries. We want to be heard.

Yet today, this guy reminded me that if I want to be heard, I must then appreciate the listener for listening to me. Only then can people will really listen to me.

Today~

2008-07-07T09:13:00.000+08:00

"Whatever your work is,
put your heart into it as if it were for the LORD
and not for men,
knowing that the LORD will
repay you by making you His heirs.
It is Christ the LORD that you are serving."

Colossians 3:23-24

Selamat Datang

2008-07-06T13:46:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Welcoming the residents - seniors and juniors

Well. New residents are coming one by one. Here goes new batch of Xavier Hall Residential College, Petaling Jaya. A new girl came in and she told us that she was a little bit skeptic about moving into this place. A typical human's feeling of unsecure about what the future will be. New environment, new friends and of course a new place. What more to new room? I guess so. Her name is Juanita from Penang I guess. She said, "Last night, I thought about what will happened to me today when I moved in. Are the other residents nice people? I don't know. And I'm a bit worried about that."

Ha Ha. Hurmm. I met Juanita, Carol, Yest, Susan, Gopal and another few new housemates. And at this moment, I'm waiting for my new roomate - Maxwell.

Old people were gone. Ops, don't worry. Here comes the new one. I'm hungry by the way - lunch? Forget about it for a while.

Picture 2: XHRC some 50 years ago

Depression

2008-07-04T16:40:00.000+08:00

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edited:
I wish that Friday is the most happiest day in my life because the next day would be Saturday. Yet today, it showed its ugliest side. I wish I can have someone who can give me a warm hug. I wish my mom is here or I am there with her. I wish that I am not a good listener and I wish some friends could lend a few ears to ease my sadness. I knew that this moment will come. Not now, but, in another 2 months later. I wish Miss DJ is around at XH yet, she's somewhere now. I wish the lecturer is here too yet she's around up north. I wish my mom is here. Dinner tonight was only mee goreng. I was talking to myself while preparing for the dinner - said about many things and especially my inner feeling that, at that moment, I could only thought about God and I called Him Jesus, The Good Listener. Throughout these 2 months (July and August), I told my superior what could I do to keep going with such thing and she could only replied: learn as much as you can. I wish that this would never end in such a sad way. I wish, Sabah is just 3 hours drive and not 3 hours flight. This Hillsongs' song entitled Have Your Way keeps playing and on and on. So much things to prepare for September. So much things to go through. I wish, I could walk on water and be like Him that gave order to the strong wind and storm, 'silent!' and it calmed down. I wish, I could just hug somebody and cry as much as I can. Such a great storm that I'm now facing. A lot of water filled in my boat, and lo, I wish I have a tool to take out the water back to the ocean. The compass is not working. My direction this coming September.... I have none for it. Lord, have Your way; direct me. Amen.

What they said about US

2008-07-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

The Letter of Al-Baqarah verse 62 says:

Those who believe in the Qur'an, and those who follow the Jewish, and the Christians and the Sabians - any who believe in Allah and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

Letter of al-Maidah verse 47 says:

Let the People of the Gospel judge by what Allah has revealed therein. If any do fail to judge by what Allah has revealed, they are those who rebel.

and verse 68 says:

Say: "O People of the Book (Jews, Christians and Sabians)! You have no ground to stand upon unless you stand fast by the lwa, the Gospel, and all the revelation that has come to you from your Lord."

and verse 82 says:

Strongest among men in enmity to the believers (Muslims) will you find the Jews and the Pagans; and nearest among them in love to the believers (Muslims) you will find those who say, "We are Christians"; because among these are men devoted to learning and men who have renounced the world and they are not arrogant.

Battling the FAT!

2008-06-29T10:45:00.000+08:00

Picture: Hot MILO and 10 table spoons for dinner.

UM's Minggu Haluan Siswa from Saturday the 28th of June until Sunday the 6th of July. People cannot go in. I'm not sure whether I can go in to my lab or not. My supervisor sent me a 'Kad Kampus' so that I can show to the guard that I'm a UM's researcher. Yet, the letter does not contain her valuable signature and 'cop mohor diraja'. Haiyah. Sad. How leh? You think I can masuk is it? If like this aaa, have to follow Juming curi-curi masuk to the campus using Balai Ungku Aziz's route lor...

There's another 1 whole week to go and one by one the new and old residents will come back to this place. Some are already here.

Been eating Oat for dinners. I didn't eat rice today and yesterday. "Why you eat oat Isaac?" Juming asked. I said: I want to slim down bebeh! Another housemate asked, "that body is not slim enuf meh?" The battle of fat!

Now listening to Sixpence None The Richer's Don't Dream It's Over.

Yeah right. Another 2 to 3 years of higher learning? I told my housemate: after this aaa, sure I will go back Sabah one. She asked 'why' and I said: I'm bored in KL oredy eventhou I can get almost everything in KL and PJ, but takkan lah aku mau settle down in KL for life.

2 of my coursemates got a scholarship for 3 weeks internship to NAIST, Japan this August. Warghhh...menyesal aku tak apply for the thingy.

Determined: take notice and don't take for granted of every single offer.

Second Degree

2008-06-23T21:41:00.000+08:00

Picture (L-R): Miatanda, Andrew and Marcos*

While I was preparing what to cook for dinner, I had a nice conversation with Miatanda. She's from Myanmar and an International Student of HELP University College. I asked her about what she planned to cook for her dinner, how old is she, and the summit of the conversation was when I asked her about her educational background. Dear friends, I have to say that I salute her and the other 2 Myanmarians.

Miatanda told me that she has a bachelor's degree in Law; Andrew has a bachelor's degree in Physic while Marcos has a bachelor's degree in Economic. Yet my dear readers, these people are currently pursuing their bachelor's degrees at HELP University College, Damansara KL. Miatanda is doing her first semester, while the other two are probably now in their 3rd semester.

I know about their age but it never came to my mind about why are they doing their study in Malaysia in that age since, the difference between their age and mine is just one year. So by right, logically speaking (I think it was because of our Malaysia's education system) that a person is supposed to have a bachelor's degree by the age of within 22 and 25 years old, based on what course one took. So by right again, bachelor's in Physic and Economic take around 3 to 4 years of study, and Law takes around minimum 4 years to complete. I don't know. That's the educational system in Malaysia.

Yet, when Miatanda explained it to me about her age and her educational background, she got her bachelor's degree last year from the local university in Myanmar. She came to Malaysia a couple of months ago and registered as an undergraduate at HELP University College.

It means that, these 3 people are now doing their second bachelor's degree. When I asked of why they decided to do their second degree, Miatanda's explanation was quite simple yet clear. "Except for Medicine and Engineering, other courses are not recognized by other countries" she explained. Indeed. The same thing happened to courses offered by the Indonesian universities excluding medicine, dentistry, pharmacy and engineering.

But, how about Malaysia? I know that Bachelor's in English Literature from one of the public universities in Malaysia is not recognized by Australia. I know that my bachelor's degree is well-recognized by 45 universities world-wide. UM's medicine and dentistry are some years ago were not recognized by Singapore. So on and so forth. Well, this is not the point here.

I was very surprised to know about those Myanmarians who are my housemates. They really want to study and to get recognized.

* The picture is quite blur. I took it using my handphone. It doesn't work well during night time.

U72

2008-06-23T11:19:00.000+08:00

I should just listen and follow my heart's desire. Was I being indecisive or just to please her? I'm not sure. It was around 10.00pm and I wanted to go back home as soon as we left MidValley that night. It is more comfortable and convenient for me to go back by taking a cab although taking Rapid KL and retaining the RM2.00 fixed price is much more cheaper and save the money. Was I being extravagant if I decided to go by taxi? Perhaps yes. Yet this is not the issue here.

This friend of mine suggested that we should go down to the other road and take a bus from there to Jalan Gasing. So, I thought, as far as my knowledge is concern, any RapidKL bus which started with the number U60 to U69, U80 to U88 except for U87 which only goes to Bangsar, and any Metro Bus number 98, 99 and so on will pass by SFX either through Jalan Gasing road or the Federal Highway.

While we were waiting for the bus, U72 came and stopped. I didn't know whether this bus goes to the destination we wanted to reach or not. I wasn't really confident to take this bus too yet when I saw her entered the bus, I too followed without questioning, believing that we'll reach XH soon. Yet it turned to be a mistake. U72 went to Taman Desa, a place I'd never been too and we didn't know where we were heading. We wanted to go down at any bus station yet, it looked like that the place is not a place where one can get public transport so easily. So we decided to get lost and I was thinking of what to do next. Luckily, the bus turned around back to the road that leads to KLSentral, and it passed by MidValley once again. She said sorry and explained to me sarcastically, "I thought our place is Taman Desa. Mana tahu, it is Taman Jaya."

I pity her. She didn't wear her glasses that night, so I think she had mistakenly read Taman Desa as Taman Jaya. So from there, she decided to go back to the bus station yet I strongly objected and decided to take cab. And lucky me that a minute before we went into the cab, U66 came. I was grateful that at least, we didn't lost at any place and we were still safe. At least, we managed to get back home.

To be honest, that whole event gotten me into a bad mood. Bad mood because I did not follow my heart. I should just use cab and even if she doesn't want to share the price, I should just go by cab since I really felt that I should use cab. Bad mood because, I don't really trust her yet I still followed her. Bad mood because I was being indecisive.

Yet lucky me, I managed to control and cooled down my anger throughout the night. Almost, I wanted to tell the guy next door and he was really keen to know about it since, he himself had a bad experience with her. But again, this time, I decided not to tell him about it. What's the point? I wasn't angry at her, I was mad at myself of being such a person who was not able to decide. Was it because I am an indecisive person, or because I wanted to please her? I don't know.

Reminiscing CCR

2008-06-20T00:03:00.000+08:00

Reminiscing those great memories I had with these people from September 2007 until February 2008.

Picture 1: My first time joining the Life In The Spirit Seminar. Kiulu Sabah, 20th September 2007

Picture 2: Birthday for FOUR. 19th December 2007

Picture 3: They went to celebrate it with me. Christmas Day 2007

Picture 4: Pizza Hut with my aunt and cousin. 28th December 2007

Picture 5: CCR Music Ministry during St. John's Parish Family Day. 30th of December 2007

Picture 6: New Year's Eve at Lord's house. 31st December 2007

Picture 7: At La Foresta Franciscan Hermitage, Kiulu Sabah. 1st of January 2008

Picture 8: Tuaran Youth Day prior to Sabah Youth Day. 25th of January 2008

****

I went back to KL a week later.

****

I miss you...

17 days to go

2008-06-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

Funny. I over toasted my bread with garlic spread on top of it. It turned to black, and the smell was really bad. I've wasted two pieces of bread. It was supposed to be my dinner. So lucky though, because I still have some more breads kept in my compartment in the kitchen. It has always been a good thing to have a conversation with Dr. Joo Ming. He's always funny, frankly and easy-going type of person. At the moment, talking about Xavier Hall, the atmosphere is still cloudy, cold, sleepy, silence. 17 days to go before the waking-up time for this place. 17 nights left for students to sleep as much as they can. 17 daylights more for them to make use of the remaining holidays into the fullest. 17 days more, and the number keeps decreasing a day each.

Picture 1: In progress...

I'm happy today. Working with scientific experiments are tiring. If there is no goal to achieve in each methodology, there is no such thing as 'interesting' and 'fun' but merely 'lost' and 'confuse'. Sometimes, it could be 'boring' and 'whatever....' Yet today, I felt tired. Tired because I did give love to what I was doing. Infact, I prayed that I will do my lab works with love, for I was hoping that I could do better this time than the previous works. And again, I've received good news as soon as I reached my room. A news which I longed for it. Great. No more stress-up, at least until early July. So I have 17 days left to enjoy in great happiness. Happiness? Where got! I don't have holidays, until December 2008 I hope so.

Picture 2: Hangus!

Now I'm all alone in the room. Good roommate moved to another house - moved out from this place. At least, not too official since some of his' belongings are still being kept in the room. Soon will I see those things no more. New things will come. A situation which every XH senior has to cope with once again.

Picture 3: To be read.

Still have a few books in my 'TBR' list.

I felt hungry

2008-06-18T02:58:00.000+08:00

At 2.45AM
I went down to the kitchen
and had some foods to eat.
I was so hungry
I only had light food for dinner.
I wanted to continue my sleep
but failed to have my fairy tales in my brain.
Previously, because a friend of mine
tried to call me from Russia
and he disturbed my sleep.

Miatanda's art when she went to some youth camp.
I love it. I pasted it on the common notice board.
Everyone saw it,
a reminder of us - LIFE!
My inner food storage kept rebelling
for food.

A glass of MILO
and 2 pieces of peanut butter sandwiches
with 5 pieces of chicken nuggets
which were not in the picture.
It was 3.00AM
in the kitchen - all by myself.

I'm not sure whose radio is this.
Just that
it has been serving the ears of residents
since last year - placed in the kitchen area.
Played
Celine Dion - What Do You Say

Was so sleepy
yet so hungry.

Went up to my room
blogged
went to sleep.
It was 3.15AM - Wednesday the 18th of June 2008.

Ratatouille

2008-06-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

I'm a bit slow when it comes to watching the latest movie in the cinema. Such movies are like the one that I've just watched this evening - Ratatouille, a word which is hard to pronounce by my tongue yet gave me a wonderful and pleasant evening to enjoy. Simply because of the movie's interesting stories of a man who doesn't cook but was given a higher look by peoples around him and that was due to the fact that this rat knows how to cook and is better than the guy himself. I was amused with the whole natures of human and animal portrayed throughout Ratatouille whereby the nature of human is that it is a complex well being creature that plays many parts of conflicts between each other and yes, food is one of the idea of all sorts of conflicts between sons and daughters of Adam and Eve. While an interesting part plays by this Small Chef which amazingly knows how to cook the French way just because he loves good food, I mean, what human cooks are the choice of his' tongue and desires. A little bit weird though, yet that's Ratatouille.

Ratatouille plays about this rat which is so talented in cooking and dares to come out from the nature of being a rat and at the end found his real dream of becoming a chef who cooks for humans, and for his families too. Being honored as well as gained respects from his' human friends and the colony of rats, and not to forget the food criticizer who at the end loved this Small Chef. Until at one point, the criticizer admitted that:

"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy.
We risk very little,
yet enjoy a position over those
who offer up their work
and their selves to our judgement.
We thrive on negative criticism,
which is fun to write and to read.
But the bitter truth we critics must face
is that in the grand scheme of things,
the average piece of junk
is probably more meaningful
than our criticism designating it so.
BUt there are times
when a critic truly risks something
and that is in the discovery
and defense of the new.
The world is often unkind
to new talent, new creations.
The new needs friends.
Last night,
I experienced something new,
an extraordinary meal
from a singularly unexpected source.
To say the both the meal
and its maker
have challenged my preconceptions
about fine cooking
is a gross understatement.
They have rocked me to my core.
In the past, I have made no secret
of my disdain,
for Chef Gusteau's famous motto,
"Anyone can cook."
But I realise only now
do I truly understand what he meant.
No everyone
can become a great artist,
but a great artist
can come from anywhere.
It is difficult to imagine
more humble origins
than those of the genius
now cooking at Gusteau's,
who is, in this critic's opinion,
nothing less
than the finest chef in france."

The best part that touched me when I watch this movie was when Small Chef said:

"Change is nature. The part we can influence. And it starts
when we decide."

I wonder now if someday or now, the foods and drinks prepared by the finest dining places on earth were actually cooked by rats?

[ Gonna catch up with new movie soon. ]

The Orange Side

2008-06-10T23:41:00.000+08:00

I chatted this night,
bored with this YM.
A lot of 'friends' were online,
Yet only few encountered with this 'Isaac'
virtually: with whatever reason they had to do with me tonight.

And as usual,
as being bored all the time,
perhaps due to some 'friends' who were not here anymore,
and as the typical 'Isaac' who doesn't really talk much,
perhaps due to lacks of idea,
especially the interesting ones - which only comes once in a blue moon.
Chatters get bored of 'Isaac'
because he doesn't talk much over the screen,
what more when he's around.

Anyway,
my roommate plays his' guitar,
and there he goes playing the 'You Are My All in All'
a song I love so much,
what a beautiful night today.

...hurmm,
it's true - if research is so easy, there will be so much scientists in the world.
That's a phrase given to me by one of my good friends.
And she previously advised - be the changer. Initiate the beginning. Start it from you, by you.

*planning for what to have with newcomers of XHRC this coming semester.

New Archdiocese!

2008-06-06T00:45:00.000+08:00

The Holy Father, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI on May 23 has erected a new ecclesiastical province in Malaysia in the state of Sabah; raising the Diocese of Kota Kinabalu as the new metropolitan Archdiocese of Kota Kinabalu with Archbishop Datuk John Lee as the first Archbishop. The suffragan sees are Keningau and Sandakan dioceses. Previously those dioceses in Sabah were the suffragan sees of the Archdiocese of Kuching, Sarawak.

The Catholic population of the new Province of Kota Kinabalu is about 310,000, about 8.8 per cent of the 3.5 million inhabitants.

More info:
> http://www.kkdiocese.net/
> http://www.catholic-hierarchy.org/diocese/dkota.html

Picture

2008-06-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to Kid Rock feat Sheryl Crow's Picture. Suddenly I feel happy to listen to this song after many years being kept in my mp3 collections. Imagine that! Lucky me when one of my housemates suddenly told me about her favorite song which is the one that I'm listening to now - Picture, a story about a broken hearted man and woman who were a couple, because of unfaithfulness towards one another, decided to break up yet both of them still missing and love each other so much.

Well, today has been another great day for me. I went to the lab and what more should I do other than doing lots of manual lab works. A routine for a postgraduate student in the lab. Anyway, nothing much to talk about what has been happening in the lab during the day, except for, it was raining heavily again this evening before I headed back home. While waited for the rain to stop dropping drops of water from the floor of the heavenly city of God, I looked outside the building through the clear window of the lab, an Iranian lady was completely wet because she was walking in the rain towards the bus station in front of the building. I wondered about my childhood whereby, it was so easy to just follow the heart and be in the rain - it was all about fun. It didn't matter if I will get scolded by my mom or not, or get sick the next day. Dirty outfits was not the question at all. All the sudden, that Iranian woman reminded me of my past, which actually one of the most precious history of my life, and yours' yours too. Why can't I be like that once again, in anything...

I enjoyed my cooking for dinner this evening. What more when she was around and we talked like never before. I was so happy that the conversation lasted for almost 2 hours because we never had such a long conversation since a year ago. Talked about the nature of being a fresh-graduate who has to face many options in life and uncertain of the future itself. I agree that fresh-graduates always receive a lot of job opportunities which eventually causes them to be in such a dilemma. Well, trust me dear friend, it won't last long. You have to be smart in making a decision and only then you'll find satisfaction in what you have decided for life. I went through such time too.

I'm smiling and although there were only the two of us were at the common hall a couple of minutes ago, I feel some part of my boredom in this house has been filled. XH is a 'silent night holy night' for the time being - until new faces and old ones started to mingle around once again - that's when the laughing out loud comes again.

If you happened to read this post, this is for you...

Explosion

2008-06-04T20:47:00.000+08:00

Picture: It still can be used.

A little explosion occurred in the lab,
while this Isaac was away to have his late lunch,
at KPS.
When he came back,
"Oh what had happened?"
"You better ask him" urged someone.
"It exploded and the cap went up to the ceiling" explained the guy next to him,
"you put too much did you?" he continued.
A quick answer from Isaac "no I didn't."
While tried to recall the exact amount of that dangerous gas added into that fragile container.
He put only a small amount of Liquid Nitrogen in that specialized-thermos.

The concern wasn't on the safety of the lab,
rather the condition of 2 tubes contained valuable
scientific samples kept inside the thermos,
frozen by the gas itself.

It was really hard to open the cap,
yet at the end he succeeded.
Thought of bringing the thermos back to XH,
but he was afraid of being exploded by the same gas kept in that small container.
Later on,
ran the electrophoresis,
and got two clear genomic DNAs,
another 2 clear bands of mRNAs,
and another 2 unknown RNA bands.

Today's experiment is better than the previous attempts.
The heavy rain stopped,
went back walking by the street,
and a stranger asked a direction,
then offered to send back home - went to the same direction.

It was jam,
the road was wild,
those vehicles were crazy,
sound pollution here and there...

Isaac was just smiling,
sometime laughed,
because of the crazy highway,
and the petrol price that went up terribly.

Holiness does
not consist in doing
extraordinary things.
It consists in accepting, with
a smile, what Jesus sends us.
It consists in accepting and
following the will of God.

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Eye of a needle

2008-05-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

I opened my Weekdays Missal and read today's Scripture reading. The Gospel of Mark 10:17-27 tells about 'a man of great wealth', while was a man who obeyed the commandments of the Lord, lacked one thing - being poor in the eyes of God and societies.

I wondered, how great was his wealth until he wasn't able to follow Jesus. I guess, he had thousands of dinars, plenty of houses, several donkeys, camels, horses and perhaps, he had his own private soldiers to guard him and his family days and nights. I wondered, how was it look like to be rich during those days of the prophets. Perhaps, the riches had many lamps burnt everywhere, lots of fruits of many types served on the table, several jars of fresh and old wine of the best choices, pure linen and silk cloths, golden plates, forks and spoons, silver mugs, glasses, coins and several others. Et cetera.

If I were to ask by God, "go and sell everything you own..." it would be the most hardest thing for me to do. It's true. Today's societies, even ever since the men's civilization have started, we are not willing to give and let go, even little thing that we have, such as our precious handphones of many brands and styles. Like mine, I think, it is not easy for me to let go and sell my Sony Ericsson K660i, and the money be given to the poor. Indeed. Human does that. Not just that, some of us are so worried to switch off the handphone during Mass or during prayer services. We have not come to fully understand that as long as the heart is bound with worldly things, it's not easy to 'enter the kingdom of heaven'.

When I read the whole scripture from Mark, I understood one thing. That we human are not that easy to come back to the life of being children. We don't even know how to go about with it. We don't want to be like children because we see and believe that we have grew up. Just like the man in the scripture, who grew up with obeying the Lord's commandments since his earliest days, but was not willing to start a new life all over again, without nothing at all. What more to accept it as one of the requirement to enter the Eternal Life, a place which is actually the one that we are so afraid and worried to enter - because of the things that we should obey while on earth.

Jesus wasn't condemning rich people. King Solomon was a man of great wealth. In fact, being rich is a blessing from God as long as the richness that we have were from the hardship of our own true, clean, and legal efforts. But there is one thing that cut us away so far than men can imagine - that richness put us away from God's call for total charity. I lack such thing.

We don't act as children because children do not know what we know now. We will lose control on many things, because children do not have powers even on their own toys. They have to receive orders, teachings and commands from their parents. Children, do not have the 'richness' of what we have as grown up people. Perhaps, that is where when we have to chose whether to leave many things behind and follow Him, or simply "went away sad, for he was a man of great wealth."

ʻImmānûʼēl

2008-05-23T14:39:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: The CD which you can get from Daughters of St. Paul's Bookshop, off Jalan Gasing, 116, PJ.

Holy Is His Name
by nuns of the Daughters of St. Paul, Province of Boston, USA.

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
and my spirit exults in God my savior
for He has put with mercy on my loneliness
and my name will be forever exulted.

For almighty God has done great things on me
and His mercy will reaching to all men

and Holy, Holy, Holy is His Name.

He has mercy in every generations
He has revealed his power and his glory
He has casted down the mighty and the arrogant
and has lifted up the weak and the lowly
He has come to help servant Israel
He remembers his promise to our fathers...

and holy, holy, holy is His Name.

ʻImmānûʼēl

It means God is with us. Each moment of my life and each second of every day is a new starting point of the next. And every now is new. So today, the sun revealed to me that the New Jesus that I was hoping, is actually exists in every second in my life. As I walked down from the lab, on my way back to Xavier Hall, I was smiling; I smiled because I felt the greatness of the Lord that surrounded me. I felt peace... And ready to let go the things that made me in trauma since for the past few days ago.

I feel peace,
because of His holy name,
which is EMMANUEL - God is with us!

Before Your God

2008-05-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

I still remember when a Journalist asked the late Pope John Paul II on the day of his' simple papal enthronement, "Holy Father," he said, "why do people call you Holy Father?" The late Pope then answered, "My son, do not be afraid if people call you holy. Do not be afraid and worried if people assume and think that you are holy. For that calling is the reminder for every Christian of the vocation God has given to us; the call to live a holy life. So from now on, do not be afraid if people think, assume, call and even address you as holy father, holy mother, holy priest, holy doctor, holy teacher, holy lawyer, and etc, for we as Christians are called to be holy, just as God is almighty holy."

I pray daily, I read the Scriptures daily, I always try to make myself available so that I can go to Daily Mass and Sunday Mass is a MUST for me. Not because of obligation as a Catholic, but because of this thing that really keeps me going on with what I do everyday with my faith - I am a sinner and I still have a lot of things to learn from Him. Perhaps I've learn so many things too, but that doesn't mean that I'm capable of following it and putting it into my daily practices. I keep trying to embrace the Lord's gentle commandments but as long as I am a human who has many frailties, I've not completely an angel.

It's been a traumatic days for me for being so arrogant to follow my own leading, leads by my own self. What a disastrous days for me that caused myself to suffer greatly that I could only keep silent and not able to open up. I wish that God could incarnates Himself again as New Jesus in this modern, materialistic, outspoken and globalist world. Thus, I can meet Him and pour out everything to Him. Does He have time for that? Ignorance to the Lord's commandments leads me to nowhere. Expectations from many sides just because of what I do everyday, really cut me deeply. But that's not their fault.

Perhaps, I too have been expecting them to not to expect me to be according to what they've seen.

I can't write more. I'm waiting for that New Jesus. I want to tell everything to Him.

MALACCA revisit~

2008-05-19T22:54:00.000+08:00

Picture 1: Sungai Melaka in the evening

I love Malacca. I like it. I felt in love with it. The relationship grew stronger and became stronger since I came back from Malacca, this evening with a group of friends - friends that really put companionship as their first priority to go out together for the 3 days 2 nights stay in Melaka. Yes. When Mellisa's friend asked what do I like the most about Malacca and my answer was "the place", was totally a sincere answer that I wasn't able to say "STOP!" from coming out my tongue. I guess, I was just playing around with words to look stupid or dumb or at least, to joke around with new friend. I'm not sure. I like what Joyce said "I enjoyed the companionship the most" which somehow made me to felt ashamed with what I've said. Personally, that was what I should tell too. Not to fake it as if it was what I enjoyed the most; but because that is what I've always dreaming for everytime I go out with peoples and spend times with them.

Picture 2: Nice entrance.

I love Malacca so much so as I love my self. I don't know why and I've tried to figure it out but I couldn't give a proper answer to that. Perhaps the place? No. Everywhere is actually a place. Perhaps the culture? No. I have my own culture too. Perhaps the history? Absolutely not. I myself is a history of myself. The food, drinks, and etc.? No. So what? Well, I'm not sure. Perhaps because of the uniqueness of Malacca itself which really enveloped me with the well-blended-well-mixed of everything that Malacca has to offer to me and to anyone who goes to Malacca. Yes, the culture of many different kinds of tribals, religions, languages, be it of traditional or modern values. Everytime I go to Melaka, I could feel the historic breezes of winds that blows so smoothly and so sweetly which telling me about what had happened to Malacca previously and indeed I always try to imagine about being in the era of the Parameswara and the other great Sultans, as well as those years of colonization of Portuguese, Dutch, Siamese, English and Japanese. The imaginations of seeing the many ships from other countries moored with the anchor by the sea of Melaka, and then those unknown peoples who were scattered around the harbour making commercial of their merchandises brought freshly from their mainlands. How about during the wars, the legend years of Hang Jebat who was a true friend and a stupid Hang Tuah who chose to be loyal to the Sultan's order; how about Hang Lee Poh and many others. It really circulated throughout my mind everytime I revisit Malacca. I guess, the whole package of Malacca makes me felt in love with the place so much.

Picture 3: The companions.

While I was in Malacca with them, we visited several places of interest like Melaqa House which was the last place to visit, Masjid Tengkera, Bukit Cina, The King's Well which was formally known as Puteri Hang Lee Poh's Well, Jonker Street which where I bought my new t-shirt as a souvenir, St. Francis Xavier Church and St. Peter's Church Malacca, Rumah Sentosa which had a very interesting story about the owner of the house, Mellisa's house and many other interesting places. Well actually, this trip was all about finding good Malaccanese foods especially the Baba and Nyonya cuisines. I got to eat a lot of Chendols eventhou it is not written in my dictionary of food. Infact, I wasn't hunting for food. Yet, I enjoyed all the meals that I had with them.

Picture 4: Baba Nyonya Cendol for two.

The best part of this trip was, everybody was just as relax as they are; frankly as they could, sincere and nice as they should, helpful as they could; we had a great time of being together with lost of good jokes and tells. I've learn new things which are to try to smile as much as possible eventhou I might be so tired or so quiet by nature. It's the least a person can do to make sure that everything will go smoothly. Another thing was about marriage, women, wife, men and husband.

Picture 5: Congkak at Rumah Sentosa.

Everybody has his or her own set of criteria of what it takes to be a husband or wife. As for me when they asked me such a question, I gave the answer as if I'm the ruler of every women, as if I know everything about marriage and good relationship, as IF I'm an experienced person in this topic. I'm still in my early 20s and lucky me that I've learn so much about what it means to be a boyfriend and a husband. What it takes to be with a modern woman who is an outspoken for the right of her self. Thanks to Mellisa and Joyce with that almost 3 hours of drive to Malacca. Indeed, when the feeling is there to love, those set or sets of criteria are no longer important and it becomes an abstract rather than a pillar that guides. I told them that my perfect partner would be someone who is a well-educated woman, nice looking of physical appearance, strong faith to God and a Catholic herself. Well-behaves, good personality, polite but should be able to be an outspoken person, and there you go, the list goes on and on. Well, I agreed with the two of them about getting marriage after the age of 30 or later than that. People who got marriage at an older age will most probably having the least chance of getting divorced because of the maturity of feelings and understandings towards the partner. Old people really able to accept other people's attitudes very well and thus, the marriage has a least chance to be broken.

Picture 6: Good Shepherd Catholic Minor Seminary

We stayed at the Good Shepherd Catholic Minor Seminary and I simply felt in love with that place too. It was my second time staying at the same place and it reminded me a lot of great memories about Malacca and especially the ELC 2005, where I was formed to be a leader of the CSS. Not just for the CSS, but it was actually a formation for future leader.

Picture 7: The T-shirt that I bought.

Malacca - a destination where I felt so happy to visit it and enjoy the great companionship of many other peoples that were with me. Thank God that I was invited to join the trip. During the trip, I did imagine about what will I do with this long weekends if I were not to join them. It must be so pathetic then. Pathetic and unrealistic and lonely - the kind of life that I wish not to be living with. Apart from that, I enjoyed the foods, jokes, stories, and etc that really made me not to feel bored at all, accept that it really made me felt so tired because too many good things occupied me throughout those days. It's so funny that sometimes, good things could make a person goes tired.

Picture 8: At the feet of the statue of St. Francis Xavier SJ.

... Malacca, a place like no other, should the time permits, I'll make a visit again.